|My Potted Azalea Last Year|
People were pleased for me. Many people poured their love on me -- they helped make the home brighter and lighter by painting, cleaning, papering the cupboards, installing screens and doors.I felt so loved by the members of my community who wanted the best for me. I was very grateful but at the end of the day, my heart sang with gratitude for the people in my life but not for my home.
The home was still dark, damp and cold. Although there was a small patio, there was no place where the sun reached. I knew inside that I had compromised.I was not being true to myself. I was not living my dream. One of the turning points was to look at my patio to see a couple of potted plants that had only weeks previously been full of healthy blooms, now looking bedraggled and forlorn. I believe they were reflecting my consciousness.
Two years ago I started listening to my heart's desires to live somewhere beautiful! After three floods and a crash of the housing market, I finally woke up to the fact that this condo would never provide me with good, because I didn't love it. I tried to love it. Sometimes I got close.
|The Church of my Childhood|
There is an old gospel song that we sang in the church choir when I was a kid, "There is sunshine in my soul today." I loved that song then. (It no longer fits my musical taste or beliefs but the feeling of being filled with joy is still important.) It is really the sunshine of your soul that makes everything flourish!
For some people shade is pleasant and soothing. I am not one of those people. I like living in the light. Spiritual living is living in the light.
I finally realized that no matter how painful it was to give up, to quit trying to make something work, it was even more painful to stay where I felt imprisoned. I decided to put the condo on the market even though the market price was much lower than what i owed on it. It was scary and it was worth it. Last year I moved to a large condo that is filled with light. My patio is filled with beauty. The potted plants not only survived the move, they thrived from the move.
Nature does not withhold our good from us. We do it to ourselves when we are living from the world of effects. Looking back I see that I was originally motivated by fear and greed. Fear of never being a home owner again and greed to cash in on the inflationary market. Of course, I could never fully prosper with those beliefs as my initiating causation. I had to let go and tell myself the truth. When I did, the entire Universe conspired to make my dreams come true.
Nature is a big show off. My potted plants and I love our new location. My heart is filled with sunshine and my home reflects the beauty and sunshine of my soul.