Friday, June 21, 2013

Regaining My Identity from "Mom" to Inspired, Beautiful, Nurtured Mom

School is out.

Summer is here.

Last Tuesday, I sent my two boys off to South Carolina with my mom for the next six weeks.

As I did so, I questioned that decision wondering what I would do with myself during the time they were gone.

I had a lot of friends who said, "Wow, how lucky you are!!  But, what are you going to DO for 6 weeks?"  I also had some who said they wouldn't know what to do with themselves without kids.

I have had a lot of emotions around it, but last night, I had a big breakthrough about it.

Last year, I wrote a book, S.O.U.L. Mama, and it is about creating a new paradigm of living, especially as a mom.  Part of the book was allowing myself to lose my identity to my kids, my job, my life, etc.  It took my life crashing down around me to realize what had happened and to find the tools and principles to create a new paradigm of living and re-learn who I was.

What I realized last night is how quickly it is to lose one's identity to their kids, even after the tumultuous journey I have been through.  I realized that the concern I was feeling about what I'd do with myself for six weeks, the guilt I felt when other moms said, "Wow, that's a long time! I couldn't do that," which made me feel like a bad mom, was all because I had gone back to an old paradigm of identifying myself as only a mom.

What I have come to realize is that I am more than that.  I am ME and I have a purpose and an identity outside of being a mom.

I realized in a moment how important it is in these next six weeks to take time for myself.  To get back in touch with who I am, what I am here to do, and do the things that make ME happy.

It's a time, that I believe, the Universe divinely set in front of me so that I was able to remember who I am.  How perfect that I have a mother who is young and spry enough to take on two young, active boys for six weeks.  How perfect that, at this time,  I have a new creative project that needs my attention and that brings me joy and now, I have the time to spend on it.  How perfect that I live in a place so filled with natural beauty that I can meditate, pray or just be at the beach, by the pool or in nature whenever and however long I need to be there.

I realized last night how divinely all of this has come to be.

I realized how supported I am by the Universe to live my life full out, which includes nurturing myself, bringing my creative gifts to the world, and doing so to be the best mom I can possibly be.

Last night, I let go of the guilt, the second-guessing and the feeling that maybe six weeks was too long.

Last night, I embraced the beauty of perfect timing, perfect alignment, and perfect nurturing, so when my boys return, I am even more energized, inspired, and totally, completely in love with them in an expanded way from when they left.

Today, I embrace these next six weeks.

I give thanks for them.  I show my gratitude by nurturing myself and being an even better mom at the end of them.  Thank you, Universe for this blessing!