Saturday, August 3, 2013

Who's Your Boss?

Back in the early 2000s, I began to experience a symptom I now know as air hunger. I should say, re-experienced, because I’d had the same problem when I was in my early 20s. “It’s just nerves,” the doctor said. “Relax and it will go away.” And indeed within a year it was a distant memory. When it happened again, my doctor said, “nerves” and handed me a prescription for Xanax. But this time it wasn't going away, in fact it was getting worse.

When I was young, I believed doctors knew best…better than I did. After all, they were highly educated, trained professionals, right? So when my body didn't do what it's supposed to do, the doctor could fix it. And if the doctor couldn't fix it, then it was either unfixable, or all in my head.

But I've learned a lot in the intervening years. I learned that if I was in a relationship where my partner treated me badly, that I could choose to leave – or stay. I learned that if my employer was taking advantage of me, I could choose to leave. In fact, I learned that it was I who chose that disparaging partner, that disappointing job and if I’d listened to my own inner wisdom, I might have taken a different path.

My inner wisdom was telling me this breathing problem was not “all in my head”. It wasn't just stress. And when my tests came back normal, I trusted my inner wisdom. I kept searching. Specifically, I refined my perception of the issue and discovered “air hunger”. Once I could clearly name it, I could find the condition – Babesia, a malaria-like infection that often comes with Lyme disease, which I also have.

I’d like to say I did this all on my own. And while taking total responsibility for my health was all me, I had invaluable help. I tapped into the vast well of knowledge and experience of other Lyme patients. There’s not one symptom; one reaction to medication, one painful procedure I experienced, that someone else in my Lyme community hadn't been through. There was always someone ready and willing to share, guide and support me.


Inner wisdom, what some call intuition, is simply the Universe speaking. Sometimes It speaks so softly you have to lean in. Sometimes the inner chatterbox drowns It out, but you can learn Its voice. Inner wisdom never fails.

--Pamela Rocke