Friday, May 9, 2014

No Shades of Grey

No Shades of Grey

Today my ex-husband of twelve years called me to chat. I knew he was going to call because he had tried to connect with me earlier in the week and I left him my cell number.

It really was a pleasant conversation; we caught up on each other's families and where we were living etc. He is still an avid golfer and lives on a golf course. He told me that he had developed a love of writing, had taken some writing classes and was quite good at it.

Then he told me that he was writing a novel in which the hero ends up living in Arkansas; his new home. I suspect this novel will be somewhat autobiographical and wondered if and how I would be represented in it. Figuring that he certainly had the right to show his point of view of our years together and the end of our marriage.

The truth is that when we decided to separate, it was more my idea than his. Also, I did not behave or speak as the kind, compassionate and loving person that I would have liked to have been or as I presented myself as being. Before he left the area but several years after our divorce, I made an appointment with him to apologize for my unkindness. It felt good to ask for forgiveness which he willingly gave.

Most of my early years, before any spiritual work, I lived in an "either-or" world. For me people were either good or bad; I recognized no shades of grey. (Never mind fifty shades.) Living in an either-or world makes life very small indeed.

Learning to see through the other person's eyes, is a great tool for resolving conflict in relationships. An even greater tool is to see a third way and a fourth way.

You can use this tool for resolving conflict with others, and you could also use it to resolve issues within yourself. In the case of a couple ending a marriage: she has one point of view, he has another, his friends have another, her friends have another, and the children have yet another. So many ways to see anything. Ultimately the only thing that is necessary is to be true to yourself, say "say what you need to say."

When resolving your own issues, you can look at the situation from the perspective of those closest to you, not by directly asking them but by asking yourself what advice would my three closest friends give me? If all three would give the same advice you have tapped into your intuition. If, on the other hand, even in your imagination, there are three or more points of view, you are free to choose. Wow! How liberating is that!

Today is a great day to practice living in an expanding universe. Get out of the box of your habitual thinking and try something new on. You might like it.