'You Can Change the World', Sunday Service

'I am willing to be the change I want to see in the world.'
And So It Is!

How to Tell It's Your True Calling

Wondering what to look for in a True Calling? 

Here’s a primer...

I used to do a lot of stone sculpting, and when you want to find out whether a stone is “true,” you bang on it with a hammer. If it gives off a dull tone, that means the stone has faults running through it that are likely to crack it apart when you work on it. But if it gives off a clear ring, one that hangs in the air for a moment, that means the stone is “true,” has “integrity,” and most importantly, will hold up under repeated blows.

This is exactly the information you need to know about your callings. You need to know it rings true, has integrity, and is going to hold up under repeated blows—the kind the world specializes in, the kind you’re going to encounter the moment you take your callings and convictions out into the world, where they’re going to get banged on.

One of the best ways to find out whether they’re “true” is to get into the habit of continually tapping in and listening to yourself with what Saint Benedict called “the ear of the heart.” It’s the core of what we’ll be exploring in the Callings workshop at CSLCV on Sunday, June 25, and the heart of what spiritual traditions refer to as discernment, of clarifying your calls. And it sometimes requires not just pick-and-shovel work, but patience on the order of years.

It also helps if you know what to look for—what characterizes “integrity” in a calling.

It’s one of the questions I routinely asked the people I interviewed for the Callings book: How did you know it was a true call? How did you figure out you were on the right path, or that you were the right person? How did you know whether the call came from soul/God/passion, or whether it came from ego/wishful thinking/the desire for financial security/the desire to show the bastards?

The responses people gave me were so consistent, I can list them for you. Here are six signs that a calling is “true”:

1) It keeps coming back, no matter how much you ignore it. A poet named Francis Thompson once wrote a poem called Hound of Heaven, which is about God. He referred to God as a hound-dog because of what hound dogs are famous for, which is tracking people down. They can get one whiff of you and follow you for a hundred miles. In other words, our callings may be “still small voices,” but the true ones have staying power. It’s the blessing and the curse of them—the search party doesn’t retire.

2) The true calls tend to come at you from multiple directions—gifts, talents, dreams both day and night, body symptoms, synchronicities, the books that mysteriously make their way onto your night-table, the way events and opportunities unfold in your life. In other words, there’s a clustering effect, and you’ve got to connect the dots.

3) There’s a feeling of rightness about it. It just feels right. You may not be able to explain it, but you can’t deny it either.

4) Your enthusiasm for it tends to sustain itself over time, and doesn’t just peter out after a few weeks or months or semesters. You even feel a kind of affinity or affection for all the mundane tasks involved in bringing these calls to fruition, and they all have them. No matter how exalted, every calling has its version of licking stamps and stuffing envelopes, making cold calls and tacking posters up on telephone poles.

Author Malcolm Gladwell calculates that mastery in most endeavors requires at least 10,000 hours of dedicated practice—the math: 90 minutes a day for 20 years—and anyone who’s ever been in a play or a band knows that the amount of time they spend rehearsing compared to performing is something like 90-10. But it’s passion that largely explains people’s willingness to put up with that equation. To practice the same lines or lyrics for thousands of hours for the chance to go public with it barely a tenth of the time.

5) It will scare you. Some people even told me that they figured if a call felt safe, it probably wasn’t the right path, but if it scared them, it probably was, because it meant they were close to something vital.

I’m always amused by a bumper sticker campaign I see all around the country on my travels. I think it’s for a clothing company, but it says, “No Fear.” And I don’t buy it. Fear is a biological imperative—it’s hardwired in us. The fight-or-flight mechanism is a perfect example. I think what can happen sometimes is that something else becomes more important to you than the fear you feel, and then you act with real courage and conviction. But no fear? I don’t think so. In fact, I saw one of these bumper stickers in Arizona a few years back. Same sticker, but with a slight alteration made in it, I think in the name of credibility. It said, “Some Fear.”

6) The truth or falseness of a calling is ultimately in the results. In other words, you’ve got to be willing to try it out, to experiment, to go down the path a little ways—even if you’re not sure it’s the path—and take field notes.

What you do is take a step toward a call and look at the feedback your life gives you. Take a step and see if your energy expands or contracts. Take another step and see if you feel more awake or more asleep. Another step—what do your dreams at night tell you? Another step—what does your body tell you? Another step—what do your friends tell you? It’s the old gospel criteria: by their fruits you shall know them.

***** 

Gregg Levoy is the author of the bestseller Callings: Finding and Following An Authentic Life (Random House)—rated among the "Top 20 Career Publications" by the Workforce Information Group—and Vital Signs: Discovering and Sustaining Your Passion for Life (Penguin). He has keynoted at the CSL Asilomar Conference, Smithsonian Institution, Environmental Protection Agency, National Conference on Positive Aging, Microsoft, American Counseling Association, National Career Development Association, and others, and been a frequent guest of the media, including ABC-TV, CNN, NPR and PBS.

A former adjunct professor of journalism at the University of New Mexico, former columnist and reporter for USA Today and the Cincinnati Enquirer, he has written about callings for the New York Times Magazine, Washington Post, Omni, Psychology Today, Reader’s Digest, and many others. His website is www.gregglevoy.com.   

** This blog post is adapted from Gregg Levoy’s book Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life (Random House). 

Honoring Our Innumerable Gifts: Creating A Life Centered In Gratitude, Sunday Service

Today I celebrate my life exactly the way it is. I am a living masterpiece right now, better today than yesterday, I am grateful for all my good. And So It Is!

Four Steps to Living Your True Potential

Do you ever find yourself in the same emotional landscape over and over again? Okay, sure, the scenery and faces around you might be different, but the way you feel – a tangible sense of dissatisfaction – seems all too familiar. Could it be Déjà vu? Karma? A result of your childhood? Isn’t it time to move beyond your inner judgments and start living your best life?

How can we live up to our true potential, a life filled with relationships and experiences that truly meet our needs, when we keep putting our focus on the outside rather than looking inward? Isn’t it true, that the only common denominator in your experience is you?

Nonviolent Communication gives you the tools to take responsibility for what you need to live your best life. This means no one else is responsible for your quality of life but you!

Check in with yourself over the course of a day. Do you find yourself blaming others for what’s missing in your life? Following the five steps below will help guide you toward creating a different life experience and living up to your true potential.

Step 1: Own It!

The first step toward realizing your true potential – in relationships, in your job, and in every aspect of your life – is to own your life experiences rather than blame them on others. You can do this by translating that blame into your own feelings and needs.

Instead of saying: “My boss is so controlling. He doesn’t let me take the lead on anything,” try this: “When I go to work I feel bored. I really need more stimulation and an opportunity for growth.” See the difference?

When I translate my life experience through feels and needs, I can discern my world without judgment. In fact, I can avoid any thoughts of good/bad or right/wrong.

This revelation may seem minor to some but to me it represents freedom, inclusion, abundance and the very real possibility for a deeper life experience, and more meaningful relationships. Through this simple first step, you can shift your method for discerning your world.

Step 2: Instead of Judging, Experience

Previously, my relationships were hampered by my judgments. Instead of simply experiencing my feelings and needs, I found myself constantly sizing up the other person to see where I fit.

If I thought someone knew more about a particular topic than me, I judged them as superior. If I thought I knew more about a topic than others, I thought I was better than them. This competition often led to distrust, hurt feelings and a lack of real connection with the people in my life.

As you go through your day, be conscious of how you relate to others. Do you find yourself turning to judgments to determine where you fit? If so, try to take a step back and simply experience your feelings and needs for what they are.

For example, if I’m in a conversation where someone knows more about the topic than I do, instead of judging them as intellectually superior (and myself as inferior), I can check in and experience what I’m feeling by thinking: “I’m feeling insecure right now because I’m needing acceptance and inclusion in the conversation.” Note that I say this to myself, not out loud to the other person. Experience the feelings/needs simply for what they are, absent of judgment.

Step 3: Focus on What You Want

At one point in my life, I began to notice I spent more time than I enjoyed focusing on the negative – what was missing in my life – rather than on what I wanted more of.

I wanted to notice my unmet needs, but focusing on what was missing made this difficult. In a sense, I was attempting to make a shift in my mental alignment.

For example, if I was talking with a friend who interrupted me, my first thought might be: “She is self-centered.” However, if I focus on what I want, rather than on what is missing, I might instead think:  “I love it when I’m heard.” When you translate your judgments in this manner as often as you notice them, it creates a subtle and powerful shift.

As this shift occurred in me, I noticed that the machine gun of judgments that ran through my head was running out of ammunition. My focus was more in alignment with my dreams, what I hoped for and valued, and most especially what I loved.

Perhaps the most significant gift I received from aligning my focus on what I want was learning more about what it is that I love. Prior to this step, I could tell you what I didn’t like and what I didn’t want to do, but to commit to what I wanted often eluded me.

Step 4: Ask For It!

Creating the life experiences that meet your needs also means being able to ask for what you want. By simply focusing on what you want (rather than what you don’t want), you are in a better position to suggest strategies to better meet your needs.

Going back, to the example earlier, let’s say that you‘ve connected to your needs and realize that you’re feeling bored at work, and need stimulation and an opportunity for growth. What if you requested a meeting with your boss to express your feelings/needs, and to brainstorm opportunities together?

When you are connected to your needs, your requests will become clearer, they will be more readily received, and they will be more precise in helping to meet your needs.

Step 5: Remember, Your Potential is a Living Concept

As I became more skilled at discerning what I want, and asking for it, all my relationships improved and I became more able to live my true potential.

What does that mean exactly and what is true potential? I used to think of it as an outcome – a static concept, something written in stone the day I was born that I was supposed to become.

Now I consider it a living concept that changes with the ebb and flow of my life. When ill, my true potential might look very different than when I’m healthy. It is, in fact, less about the results of my effort and more about the consciousness I bring to my life, such as authenticity, humility, and integrity. To me, this is living my true potential.

I will be teaching the basic principles of Nonviolent Communication at a workshop, Peaceful Living Through Compassionate Speech, sponsored by the Women's Group on Saturday, June 25, at the Center for Spiritual Living Capistrano Valley in San Clemente. You can learn more about the workshop by clicking HERE.  Won’t you join me?

About Mary Mackenzie

Mary Mackenzie is the author of Peaceful Living: Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion and a certified trainer of Nonviolent Communication. She holds a master’s degree in Human Relations and is executive director of Peace Workshop International, a non-profit educational organization that offers training in Nonviolent Communication.

  

Dr. Kathy Hearn Guest Speaker

Dr. Kathy Hearn will be the guest speaker for both services (9 and 11 a.m.) at the Center for Spiritual Living Capistrano Valley on Sunday, May 13. Dr. Kathy served as the Community Spiritual Leader for United Centers for Spiritual Living for 10 years, traveling to Russia, Ukraine, Mexico, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Switzerland to share Science of Mind. Dr. Kathy was a presenter at the 2004 Parliament of World Religions in Barcelona, Spain, and the 2009 Parliament in Melbourne, Australia.  She played an important role in the recent integration of the International and United Centers for Spiritual Living.

Dr. Kathy founded the Pacific Church of Religious Science in Dan Diego, serving as Senior Minister for 15 years. Through her work with Association for Global New Thought, she attended the Synthesis Dialogues with His Holiness the Dalai Lama in 1999 and presented at the 2004 Parliament of the World’s Religions in Barcelona, Spain and the 2009 Parliament in Melbourne, Australia. She traveled to the Middle East as the sole female religious leader for Harvard’s Abraham Path Initiative, November 2006, and led an Abraham Path trip to Turkey and Syria in October 2008. In October 2012, she will be attending and supporting AGNT’s Awakened World 2012 Conference in Rome and Florence.

Sample some of Dr. Kathy Hearn's short talks here.