Holiday Madness Calling All Parents

As I sit here writing this article at 9:00 P.M. my mind is constantly overwhelmed with thoughts about the upcoming holidays. It begins to think about pumpkins and scarecrows.  Without warning, my mind switches to candy and now I am thinking about what kind of treats my son will bring home for Halloween….. “Oh no!”, my mind yells out in horror, “will my son pick out a costume this year that he totally loves  only to hate it moments before he actually walks  out the door and leaves for trick-or-treat…..”

…..There goes that mind again taking control when suddenly my thoughts go right into Thanksgiving, family and making dinner for 20 people…”Let’s see, what food should I prepare this year for my clan? Everyone loved the rib roast with the garlic and sage spices. It was a wonderful alternative to my traditional succulent Turkey faire. Wait, I have to make sure that I make enough mashed potatoes for everyone this year since the glazed yams were a flop. And what was that dish that my niece made? I really have to get that recipe again before…”

…it can’t be Christmas already. I am not ready!. “Wait a minute, what did you say?”… “whose house will the Christmas feast be at this year…It better not be at my house, I just did Thanksgiving”…..”Ok, Ok, Ok we will have New Years at our house again but next year…

Finally I yell “STOPPPPP!!!!!! What is going on here?”  It’s only 9:01PM and I have lost all touch with reality. I have become so obsessed with what I have to do that I am no longer in the present moment. I am no longer in the” NOW”. I have allowed my mind, my ego or “Pain Body” as Echart Tolle likes to call it to rule my consciousness. My mind is running me. This will never do.

I must quickly regain control of my senses and my mind. I truly know that the purpose of my mind is to be the servant of my Intentions and not the master of my intentions. Deep down inside I know that what I think about I bring about, where I place my intentions on is the very thing that manifests in my life. Every time that I have allowed my mind to take control over my present reality and steal my present moment I am telling my  mind that it is O.K. for it to be in charge.

Well it is not OK to be trapped in my minds eye constantly reliving events over and over again. It’s not OK to be separated from my Higher Power because my negative thoughts have nothing better to do than create chaos with my emotions.

 Finally, the moment comes and I realize that when I am fully present in the “NOW”, I can break the false power that I have given to my mind.

Thankfully I begin to relax by imagining a giant oversized old fashioned scale like the ones used in courtrooms. It represents my life. On the left there is one pile of sand that represents all of my thoughts of Love, Beauty, God, Relationship, Prosperity, Grace, Goodness, Creativity, Perfect Health and Happiness. On the right is a pile of sand represents my fears, anxiety, lack, impatience, stress, anger, ego, control, imperfections, doubts and so on. It has become very clear to me that to regain dominion over my mind over the holidays I must change my thinking now. I must replace my old thinking with thoughts and ideas that have a loving power that I can believe in. The power of my “thinking and believing” is what manifests my reality.

It is totally up to me which side I place that grain of sand on. If I have thoughts that I believe in that create a warm and loving world filled with goodness and light then I have empowered myself and the world around me to be a better place.

Every time that I allow a negative, unconscious or painful thought to enter my mind I am allowing another tiny pebble of sand to be placed in the wrong side of the scale. Every thought and experience of doubt, fear, regret, unkind word, resentment, anger and greed continues to add more pebbles of sand to the wrong side. Before I know it, my scale has moved so much that my unloving thoughts completely put me out of balance.

That is what seems to happen to so many people during the Holidays. We have forgotten how to be the good gatekeepers of our thoughts and beliefs. I have noticed that if we do not stand awake and fully present at the gates of our thinking we are lulled into a false belief of how the world should be and forget that we truly are the creators of our realities.

During this time of the year the pressure is far greater to be happy and meet everyone’s demands and expectations. We still only have the same 24 hours in a day. We can never change that. What we can change is the power we give our thoughts and how we react to world around us. We get to choose how we want to live our lives and we get to choose how much joy and happiness we will allow into our world.

 There are many powerful tools and practices that I have found extremely useful in helping me break my old patterns of thinking that no longer serve me.

The power of Meditation helps me quiet down my mind so that I can hear the quiet still voice of Spirit. Learning to practice stillness makes me more receptive to listening to Divine Inspiration.

Echart Tolle says learn to be the observer of your thoughts. From Western religion I have learned the power of Gratitude, Forgiveness and Non-Judgment. And from the Eastern traditions I have learned how to balance my energy with my body.

So, as the Holidays approach I now remind myself of what I must do. For me to have a Holiday experience that I really, really want I need to be more present and live in the “NOW” as often as I can. I get to choice which thoughts I give power to. I really only want to entertain thoughts of LOVE, GRATITUDE, FUN and SPIRIT so that my life will be blessed to overflowing ……. I can live with that.

OK Let’s bring on the Holidays. I am ready and in the Now.

Namaste

Rev Arpad Petrass

www.ArpadPetrass.com

Self Appreciation

" There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance;that imitation is suicide;"     Ralph Waldo Emerson

These immortal words in Emerson's essay on Self-Reliance  are just as true today as they were 150 years ago when they were written.

Yet in our current culture we are encouraged to compare ourselves with air-brushed 30-year -old models and to value ourselves by our possessions. Television and print media show us perfect, happy people, perfectly dressed and coiffed,  driving the newest cars. The message is clear that we too can be happy, good-looking and well-dressed if we ...

Nothing could be further from the spiritual truth.

Since the spiritual truth is that we are creative beings, made in the image and nature of Creator, there is absolutely no good reason to imitate or to feel envious! As creative being, our lives are limited only by our imaginations. If we want a certain quality or outcome, we learn to accept it as ours in mind. We learn to treasure the gift of creativity within ourselves.

This is a lesson I have been learning for many years.

When I was a school-age child, I envied my best friend Lois, who always seemed to wear the latest styles in shoes. My parents took our family to a special shoe store, where our feet were carefully measured for the year's sensible shoes. While my friend was wearing penny loafers, I was stuck with saddle shoes. I hated those shoes. they were so old-fashioned! I definitely envied my friend, whose parents let their children buy the shoes in fashion. There were many times that i would have gladly traded my strict stodgy parents for hers. 

During my early-teen years, i was a typically rebellious kid, strong-willed. Some might say stubborn. However, the rebelliousness did not lead me to be an independent thinker. It led me to follow the trends of the day, and to imitate the current Hollywood stars.

Now I can see how blessed I was to have the parents I had, for encouraging me to think for myself and for loving me through all the changes and phases of my life. Ironically, now I think that those saddle shoes were kind of cute.

Saddle Shoes like the ones I had to wear

 

Cute Penny Loafers

You Can't See Them But I likely was Wearing Saddle Shoes

Graduation Message for the Parents




Our daughter's graduation 3 years ago
This June our son will be the grad!

Graduation for our family falls on Father’s Day this year. It is perfect in so many ways. As our son joins his sister as a university graduate we the parents are coming to the end of an era. After twenty-two years of one or both children being in school we are about to be complete. Tuition, grades, homework, projects, school activities, teachers, professors, classmates, roommates, housing, etc. etc. are over! What on earth will we do with our time (and money)!  Our son, the graduate, is receiving advice, congratulations and words of wisdom from well meaning friends, family, professors, potential bosses advisors and anyone who can get a word in. In light of this and because I know we are not alone, I am offering my own reflections on what this momentous occasion means to the parents of the graduates.

Congratulations! You did it!! No matter where you are on the parenthood journey if you have made it to the end of the school year you have reached a huge parent threshold. Take time to acknowledge and appreciate all of the growth, change, success and failures that have been experienced over the year. And be ready for the next one... 

It’s just the beginning, it’s not over – the fun has just begun! Whether your child is graduating from kindergarten, middle school, high school or university, we the parent, keep on growing and learning about ourselves and life. What better classroom than that of being a parent! Each year the kids start over in a new school, new grade, new classroom. We too start fresh with renewed intentions, goals and plans of our own. Take time to reflect on your parenting successes.

Well done! Really! I find it helps to remember that our kids are on their own right and perfect path and the best way we can help them to navigate this busy and always changing life is to do our own work – work on our own life and model for these amazing kids what it means to be authentic, honest, creative and purposeful.

Mostly what I want to say to all of the parents out there is this: Congratulations parents of graduating students - you have reached a significant crossroads in your life as a parent. May it continue in joy and love.

Parenting the Divine

Last week I spent an entire day with my young adult son. I learned so much! I had a clue that my son is a wise man, a gentle soul, creative and driven by an inner push to reach his goals. I had an idea and yet, when I spend time with him I am amazed at who he is: his insight and wisdom when he is afraid, and his courage when he is passionate about something. I find myself awed by the many facets of my son. And then I remember. I remember the Truth about my son. He is made in the image and likeness of the Divine. He is an expression of the Infinite Potential that I call God. Of course he is today more than he was as a child and of course his interests have evolved and shifted over the years – even the weeks since I last spent time with him.  He, like the rest of us is continuing to evolve.

What kind of parent are you? Do you see the Divine in yourself as a parent and in your children sometimes, rarely, all the time?  Whether you are Permissive, authoritarian, certain, or a leaf in the wind your parenting style and experience probably changes with the situation and the child involved. I am the same parent with both of my kids – authentically me - and I use different parenting tools because my two kids are not the same person. Of course! They have unique personalities, they respond to pressure – both self imposed and inferred differently. They respond to my parenting differently. Man it would have been easier if they wanted the same, acted the same, and responded the same – but that’s not the way life works. Every child-parent relationship is unique. Each has their lessons for us and the opportunity for us, the parent, to know ourselves and our children better – and in knowing ourselves and them a little bit more completely, honestly, openly we are allowing the Divine to be known – by means of us.  

As a practice, we can make the effort to get to know another side, the divinity of our kids by remembering the truth about them, and ourselves, by looking with an expectation of seeing the divine, and with the humility of knowing it has been there all the time. Sometimes that is tough, even seems downright impossible! I know. I have been there. But wait; there is help for this work!!!  Each month at the Parent Forum we challenge our old views, beliefs and strategies. We hold them up to the light of Love, Truth and Reality within the loving support and wisdom of the group. The life of the parent is one who is constantly being challenged, praised, criticized and idealized. Find some peace and clarity in your own experience at the Parent Forum on April 9^th.

Finding A Mother's Day Gift In San Clemente

Marigolds in a milk carton, one of the first gifts I remember giving to my Mom on Mothers Day.

Oh the elusive Mother's Day gift. I actually feel like a much better gift giver after Rev. Dr. Heather's talk last Sunday.

As preschoolers and elementary students we are guided through these Mother's Day projects. We are filled with excitement and the joy of giving. We know our Moms will love what we have to give them.

As we get older, at least in my experience, those gifts become harder to find. It feels more challenging to find something, especially before you have your own income, your own way to get to the store. You learn that grown ups generally have the means to buy what they really want.

We know the language of love includes gifts. But what do we have to give?

Last Sunday I was reminded of just how much there is to give.

There are always gifts to be given.
They don't need money and they don't require transportation to get you to the store. They won't clutter up your house with dust collecting chachkies.

It's not the gift. It's the thought behind it.
I know this is true. I have come to believe the best gifts come from LISTENING. What do we listen for? Rev. Dr. Heather articulated both the question and the answer for me last Sunday.

How do the people in your life want to be loved?

• gifts
• quality time
• touch
• service
• words of affection
• affirmation & praise

I do believe these gifts would be on the list of any Mom.

Mom, I just want to thank you.

If you're Happy and you know it- let it show!

My family shares my happiness!

I have heard it said many times “If Mom is happy, everyone is happy.”

Recently I considered a new idea: When the kids are happy, mom is happy and when mom is happy – well you know how the saying goes….

Books, experts, the not so expert, and society advise us that our job as a parent is to raise happy, well-adjusted children so that they will be productive, healthy participants in our world. That is in the "good parent" job description. We take it seriously.  As a parent of young children I spent countless hours offering solutions; negotiating with teachers, friends and friends' parents; cleaning, packing and unpacking all to ensure that my children were happy. It wasn't so much that I wasted my time as it was that I misdirected my energy.

It seems to be a rite of passage that every parent goes through: Realizing that they are not the source of their children’s happiness.  Another rite of passage in the stages of parenting is realizing that our happiness and value is not dependent on our children’s success, happiness, friends or lack of friends. We have a role in our children’s happiness. They, in turn, have a role in ours. It's understanding what happy is that is important.

I am honored to share the parenting journey with many families and, on the first Thursday of the month, we come together at the Parent Forum. This group, comprised mostly of moms and the occasional dad, is a plethora of inspiration, knowledge and support for each other.  Recently the subject of happiness came up at the Parent Forum.  Several insights were shared that day. One that really struck home for a lot of us is that happy looks different to each of us.

Because "happy" is an inside job, it is shaped by us, as an awareness on the inside. My happy looks very different from my son's. If I was determining his level of happiness on my happy scale, he would come up short and unhappy which according to some would mean I was failing as a parent. But he has his own meter and happiness looks different on him than it does on me. Before I can know his happy, I have to be open to it being different than mine. For him to know his happy, he has to know himself. This is one of the  greatest lessons we can give our children - to know themselves - including what makes them happy.

How do we raise happy children? We help them to know what happy means to them by modeling what it means to us.  And then we let them show it in their unique and perfect way. Do you know what your happy looks like? Do you show it?