My Favorite Parenting Advice for this Mother's Day

You know that old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child"? I think that's true. And, also, I think it takes a village to support the parents.

One of my best sources of parenting inspiration and guidance is the Parent Forum and Rev. Pattie Mercado. She is my North Star when it comes to parenting insight. Here are some words of wisdom that I hold close to my heart as I walk along my parenting journey.

"Our children are our best mirrors to what's going on within us. 

Because really, everything is an inside job." ~ Rev. Pattie Mercado.

Did you know that?? We are so connected to our children that they act as perfect mirrors of our internal beliefs and thinking. Instead of trying to change them, it's a good idea to look within first and ask:

Why does this behavior bother me?
What do I believe about how my child is acting?
What is my work to do?

With this internal inquiry, we reveal a lot about our internal thought process and through recognition we have the opportunity to change our perspective. Now, that's not to say that we completely ignore our child's behavior. After all, it's our job as parents to act as tour guide in this world, pointing out potential dangers and local customs. But...

"Every experience is an opportunity to know myself better." ~ Rev. Pattie Mercado

Yes, it's true. Every experience we encounter as parents offers us (not our kids, not our spouse, not our neighbor or best friend) the opportunity to uncover our own beliefs, likes, dislikes, preferences and perspectives. And by knowing myself better, I get the opportunity to say, "Yes, this is true of me" or "No, this is something I want to change." Because, above all....

"I matter. You matter. Every choice you make matters." ~ Rev. Pattie Mercado

Yep! I matter. It matters how I parent my children. It matters how I choose to spend my money. It matters what I think. I know...sometimes it feels like you are just one little person in a whole sea of people, thoughts, Facebook posts. And you think...I think...my voice doesn't really matter. But, it does! It matters a lot! We are here on purpose. Our children chose us for a reason. Just remember...

"You are the perfect parent for your child." ~ Rev. Pattie Mercado

And it's true. You are. I am. Even in a sea of parenting advice and judgments, I know my child best and I can trust my intuition to make the best choice for my family. Yes, even when I feel like I made a mistake or I don't really know what the heck I'm doing, I am still the best parent for my child. The bond of mother (or father) and child is sacred.

So this Mother's Day, take a moment to let all these gems of wisdom sink in. Know you are right where you are supposed to be in this life, regardless of how it looks in the moment. And, if you want to receive more of Rev. Pattie's amazing and honoring conscious parenting wisdom, join us for the Parent Forum, Wednesday, June 11, from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. Lunch and child care is provided. Click HERE for more information.

Happy Mother's Day Friends!!

Parenting the Divine

Last week I spent an entire day with my young adult son. I learned so much! I had a clue that my son is a wise man, a gentle soul, creative and driven by an inner push to reach his goals. I had an idea and yet, when I spend time with him I am amazed at who he is: his insight and wisdom when he is afraid, and his courage when he is passionate about something. I find myself awed by the many facets of my son. And then I remember. I remember the Truth about my son. He is made in the image and likeness of the Divine. He is an expression of the Infinite Potential that I call God. Of course he is today more than he was as a child and of course his interests have evolved and shifted over the years – even the weeks since I last spent time with him.  He, like the rest of us is continuing to evolve.

What kind of parent are you? Do you see the Divine in yourself as a parent and in your children sometimes, rarely, all the time?  Whether you are Permissive, authoritarian, certain, or a leaf in the wind your parenting style and experience probably changes with the situation and the child involved. I am the same parent with both of my kids – authentically me - and I use different parenting tools because my two kids are not the same person. Of course! They have unique personalities, they respond to pressure – both self imposed and inferred differently. They respond to my parenting differently. Man it would have been easier if they wanted the same, acted the same, and responded the same – but that’s not the way life works. Every child-parent relationship is unique. Each has their lessons for us and the opportunity for us, the parent, to know ourselves and our children better – and in knowing ourselves and them a little bit more completely, honestly, openly we are allowing the Divine to be known – by means of us.  

As a practice, we can make the effort to get to know another side, the divinity of our kids by remembering the truth about them, and ourselves, by looking with an expectation of seeing the divine, and with the humility of knowing it has been there all the time. Sometimes that is tough, even seems downright impossible! I know. I have been there. But wait; there is help for this work!!!  Each month at the Parent Forum we challenge our old views, beliefs and strategies. We hold them up to the light of Love, Truth and Reality within the loving support and wisdom of the group. The life of the parent is one who is constantly being challenged, praised, criticized and idealized. Find some peace and clarity in your own experience at the Parent Forum on April 9^th.

Opportunities for Involvement Are Everywhere - When You Look

My family did not attend the recent Blessing of the Animals hosted by our Animal Ministry. It will come no surprise to hear that we had water polo games that day. When you have three children who play and/or coach water polo, there is usually a water polo game or practice going on.

When I read Lisa McClure’s blog post about the ceremony, I was truly sorry that I didn’t make arrangements to bring our three cats. It sounds like it was a wonderful event, and our feline family members are very special to us (despite an annoying compulsion to sit on homework). My children appreciate that their kitties are always ready to snuggle up and watch a movie after a grueling workout. The Blessing would have been a great event for our family to attend, if we could have made it work with our schedule.

It occurred to me as I read Lisa’s post, that I didn’t know a whole lot about the Animal Ministry. How many other wonderful programs, I wondered, did we have at the Center that I really hadn’t paid attention to? Even though I’d listened to the Sunday announcements, I just hadn’t processed the information, for whatever reason.

 I decided to pay a visit to our website: www.cslcv.org

The programs I’d already been participating in jumped right out at me. (Isn’t that always how it works?) I clicked on the “Events & News” tab and decided to look around…

We have a Women’s Group – and they are going to a sweat lodge! There is a group known as Shifting Sands that meets every Thursday morning - that sounds intriguing… There is also a Men’s Group (I don’t think I’ll be checking that out.) For those who sing (also not me), we offer Choir on Thursday evenings! One of my favorite programs is happening this morning at 11:30 AM: the Parent Forum. It is typically held on the first Thursday of each month. There are several other programs that I simply didn’t list – there is truly something for everyone.

This month we are doing the Commitment Experiment. I hope you are participating. It is going to be exciting to see how this manifests in each of our lives. When you commit to something, you can’t help but get results – whether it’s a diet, a savings plan, a exercise regime, or a new spiritual practice. Consider choosing one or more of our programs and making a commitment to it this month. You’ll be glad you did.

Teachable Moments for Parents Available at the Parent Forum

How is your summer going?

Tomorrow is July 12. It will be one month since the CUSD schools ended for summer, and I’m pretty sure that all I did was blink. One really has to wonder where the time goes... If I was one of those conspiracy theorist types, I would venture to guess that somehow they are siphoning minutes from my days when I’m not looking – you know, the way hackers can get into your bank account if you’re not careful. Of course, I am the only one who can fritter my time away. I know that... (Anyone for a game of Words With Friends?)

The thing is that as summer approached, I purposely avoided signing the kids up for a bunch of camps (any camps, actually), because I wanted to give them a chance to recharge a little – to have some down time to relax and enjoy their summer. Of course, July finds them still training for the Junior Olympics, playing high school summer league, and my youngest is in summer school. While I guess the minimal-obligation phase of summer won’t officially start until August, their schedules are considerably lighter than they are during the school year. Although, I must confess that I was stunned by how quickly the first month of summer flew by.  My visions of lazy days spent at the beach were slipping away like sand between my toes.

Epiphany struck as it occurred to me that this was far more about me than it was about them. I found myself in one of those parenting teachable moments – only I was the student! Skipping the camps was only part of the issue. There was no doubt that the girls needed the down time. Between school, water polo, church and other charity activities, they are very busy during the school year. However, it’s not just about giving them big chunks of unstructured time to use as they please. They (and I) must be mindful about the free time. They don’t need me to dictate what they do, but they need to be aware of the time, and be cognizant that they are at choice as to how they spend it. At fourteen and twelve years old, they are old enough to be making these sorts of decisions for themselves; and I need to be okay if they choose to spend an afternoon watching what I consider mindless cartoons. It’s not going to impact whether or not they get into college.

Giving them room to make those less than desirable choices is one of the hardest parts of parenting. It is also the birthplace of so many other teachable moments. Many of my children’s best-learned lessons were the ones they taught themselves. Those opportunities for showing them a new perspective also brought a deeper connection and greater mutual understanding.

My children are wonderful, delightful, people who know that I love them dearly, which I guess is why they put up with my occasional parenting missteps. They know that I, like most parents, strive to do my best. Fortunately, I have found a great friend and mentor along my parenting journey who has created a powerful tool that is available to parents. Her name is Rev. Pattie Mercado and the tool is the Parent Forum.

Rev. Pattie has created a space where parents can benefit, not only from her wisdom and experience, but also share tips and support each other. The forum typically meets at the Center on the first Thursday of each month at 11:30am-1pm. Due to the holiday last week, we are meeting today this month, so please plan to join us! Childcare is available and a delicious light lunch is served. 

It is truly one of the highlights of my month! I hope to see you there.

If you're Happy and you know it- let it show!

My family shares my happiness!

I have heard it said many times “If Mom is happy, everyone is happy.”

Recently I considered a new idea: When the kids are happy, mom is happy and when mom is happy – well you know how the saying goes….

Books, experts, the not so expert, and society advise us that our job as a parent is to raise happy, well-adjusted children so that they will be productive, healthy participants in our world. That is in the "good parent" job description. We take it seriously.  As a parent of young children I spent countless hours offering solutions; negotiating with teachers, friends and friends' parents; cleaning, packing and unpacking all to ensure that my children were happy. It wasn't so much that I wasted my time as it was that I misdirected my energy.

It seems to be a rite of passage that every parent goes through: Realizing that they are not the source of their children’s happiness.  Another rite of passage in the stages of parenting is realizing that our happiness and value is not dependent on our children’s success, happiness, friends or lack of friends. We have a role in our children’s happiness. They, in turn, have a role in ours. It's understanding what happy is that is important.

I am honored to share the parenting journey with many families and, on the first Thursday of the month, we come together at the Parent Forum. This group, comprised mostly of moms and the occasional dad, is a plethora of inspiration, knowledge and support for each other.  Recently the subject of happiness came up at the Parent Forum.  Several insights were shared that day. One that really struck home for a lot of us is that happy looks different to each of us.

Because "happy" is an inside job, it is shaped by us, as an awareness on the inside. My happy looks very different from my son's. If I was determining his level of happiness on my happy scale, he would come up short and unhappy which according to some would mean I was failing as a parent. But he has his own meter and happiness looks different on him than it does on me. Before I can know his happy, I have to be open to it being different than mine. For him to know his happy, he has to know himself. This is one of the  greatest lessons we can give our children - to know themselves - including what makes them happy.

How do we raise happy children? We help them to know what happy means to them by modeling what it means to us.  And then we let them show it in their unique and perfect way. Do you know what your happy looks like? Do you show it?

Spiritual Parenting

Feeling isolated, my teen needed a centered parent who understood.

This week tensions ran higher than usual with my kids. I have three daughters: a teen, a preteen and a preschooler. The developmental stage for all  of these ages focuses on detaching from parents, finding individuality and hanging out with friends. Ugh! It creates a family life with everyone wanting to go in different directions.

As a parent, it's challenging sometimes to peacefully manage every one's needs and expectations. Often, I feel overwhelmed, frustrated and misunderstood. For example, the other day my teen accused me of favoritism and being too permissive with her younger sister. Initially, I felt hurt and checked in with myself to see if her accusations had merit. When I got quiet and released my defensiveness, I realized her outburst wasn't about me. She was feeling unhappy and disconnected from her friends. I didn't quite see it at first, then I realized she wanted a different life experience and was expressing it. I was the safe place to voice her discontent.  

Mimi Doe, one of my favorite New Thought parenting experts and author of 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting, writes in the chapter called Release the Struggle:

Next time you are locked in conflict or can't find your way out of a problem, take a deep breath and say, "I let go of my struggle to make things happen and I surrender to the intuitive voice within me to reveal the answers for my greatest good." Then wait with faith that divine order is at work and answers will come. Let's admit to ourselves that we are not perfect parents and allow God in to help.

Those beautiful words perfectly expressed what happened for me in that interaction. Instead of trying to fix myself or my daughter's unhappiness, I simply opened up to God's grace and received clarity. For me, seeing the conversation clearly allowed me to release my emotional attachment to our heated discussion and find peace, love and understanding. From that place, I smiled and nodded with wisdom. I could now know for my daughter that she would find abundant opportunities to connect with friends outside of the classroom. 

Two days later, a friend called and invited her to attend the high school's afternoon soccer game. My teen's joy and enthusiasm after the soccer game made me smile. Happiness returned. She was in alignment with her good.

This demonstration reminds me why I meditate in the morning. Meditating keeps me open and receptive to God's grace, so when the teenage, preteen and preschool emotions overflow, I can be the wise, centered parent who is ready and willing to hold a safe and loving space.

If you are looking for spiritual parenting insight and support, join Rev. Pattie Mercado and other spiritually enlightened parents today, 11:30 a.m., at the Center for the monthly Parent Forum. The Parent Forum meets on the first Thursday of every month from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Center. Email Rev. Pattie at pattiem@cslcv.org for more information.

Parent Forum Every First Thursday

Yesterday was the first Thursday of the month and I was so relieved. Why you ask? Can you say Panera sandwiches and childcare.

We gather, we have sandwiches and we talk. Sometimes a little discussion and fellowship is all you need to feel renewed and maybe even a little validated. I am very thankful for the support and camaraderie I have found at the Parent Forum. Patty Mercado does a great job of facilitating discussion. Let me share some of my most treasured tidbits.

Have a Parental Vision.
You will be called to make snap judgments when you least expect. By processing and reviewing our own values and recognizing who we want to be as parents and what values we want demonstrated will guide us in those moments we could never prepare for. 


Clearly articulate your values to your children.
You need to clearly articulate your values to your children. You will have uncomfortable conversations. And if things don't unfold in a manner you ideally wish they had you can still discuss things in the aftermath. All is not lost. It's just a learning and growing opportunity. 


It's the agricultural model.
We can't grow for them. We can't get into their heads. We provide a healthy environment, good information, good nutrition and nature takes its course. We are watchful stewards for each child. We are looking for each individual child to thrive and we take responsibility for providing that. 


Come join us some Thursday. 

A Little "Happy Tool" from the Parent Forum

Today at the Parent Forum I learned one, small tip that I immediately implemented this evening.  What I experienced was something rather profound.

This one tip ended up giving us an interactive dinner conversation, some laughs, and a tool we'll implement probably every day.

During our discussion at the parent forum, a mom brought up the question of what to do when her daughter gets angry, sad, etc. and can't be comforted.

The solution was to implement "Happy Tools."  

We gather our 'Happy Tools' by asking our children, "What could I give you or do for you when you are sad or angry?"

Their answers become our 'tools' for future freak out sessions.

So, at dinner, I asked my boys the question above.  The conversation and laughter we experienced as a family was a memory in and of itself as they thought of their 'tools.' We heard, 'give me a train,' '...a hug,' '...quite time,' etc.

The quiet time surprised me...you mean, it's not just moms that want quiet time?!?!

But even more invaluable is we have something to pull out when soothing a temper tantrum doesn't work.  We have a new, exciting tool to use and for that, my time at the parent forum is certainly worth it!

Parent Forum

As a business owner, I remember starting my business a little confused.

I wasn't sure what to do and when to do it. I was a little lost, stumbling forward each day while "I figured it out" as I went.

That worked for a little while until I realized I wasn't giving my business the knowledge and attention it deserved.

So I set out to find mentors and surrounded myself with other business owners. I joined Mastermind groups, which as Napolean Hill explained in his book, "Think and Grow Rich," are small groups of like-minded individuals who share ideas, mentoring and advice on a similar topic.

Mastermind groups have resulted in exponential growth for me and my business.

So, is it any wonder that, as parents, we don't treat our roles as parents the same?

We give birth, maybe read a book or two, and then stumble forward "figuring this parenting" thing out as we go.

Last week, I attended Rev. Pattie Mercado's Thursday Parent Forum.

What a FANTASTIC experience it was.  I brought up a couple of challenges I was experiencing and, low and behold, received some great feedback of things that worked for other parents...and things that didn't work so well.

As in a business Mastermind group, it was comforting to know that other people are experiencing the same challenge, but more so, that others have the answer.

If you are a parent, I encourage you to join us at the next parent forum. The first Thursday of each month, Pattie will bring us together to laugh, maybe cry, but most importantly, how to be better parents!

Who doesn't want that?

It's fun, it's informative, it's a great way to know you are sane and not as crazy of a parent that you think you are...o.k. maybe I should speak for myself, but am I the only one that sometimes thinks I'm not cut out or a complete failure at parenting?

Pattie calls it a 'Parent Forum...'

I call it a 'Parent Mastermind!'