Holiday Madness Calling All Parents

As I sit here writing this article at 9:00 P.M. my mind is constantly overwhelmed with thoughts about the upcoming holidays. It begins to think about pumpkins and scarecrows.  Without warning, my mind switches to candy and now I am thinking about what kind of treats my son will bring home for Halloween….. “Oh no!”, my mind yells out in horror, “will my son pick out a costume this year that he totally loves  only to hate it moments before he actually walks  out the door and leaves for trick-or-treat…..”

…..There goes that mind again taking control when suddenly my thoughts go right into Thanksgiving, family and making dinner for 20 people…”Let’s see, what food should I prepare this year for my clan? Everyone loved the rib roast with the garlic and sage spices. It was a wonderful alternative to my traditional succulent Turkey faire. Wait, I have to make sure that I make enough mashed potatoes for everyone this year since the glazed yams were a flop. And what was that dish that my niece made? I really have to get that recipe again before…”

…it can’t be Christmas already. I am not ready!. “Wait a minute, what did you say?”… “whose house will the Christmas feast be at this year…It better not be at my house, I just did Thanksgiving”…..”Ok, Ok, Ok we will have New Years at our house again but next year…

Finally I yell “STOPPPPP!!!!!! What is going on here?”  It’s only 9:01PM and I have lost all touch with reality. I have become so obsessed with what I have to do that I am no longer in the present moment. I am no longer in the” NOW”. I have allowed my mind, my ego or “Pain Body” as Echart Tolle likes to call it to rule my consciousness. My mind is running me. This will never do.

I must quickly regain control of my senses and my mind. I truly know that the purpose of my mind is to be the servant of my Intentions and not the master of my intentions. Deep down inside I know that what I think about I bring about, where I place my intentions on is the very thing that manifests in my life. Every time that I have allowed my mind to take control over my present reality and steal my present moment I am telling my  mind that it is O.K. for it to be in charge.

Well it is not OK to be trapped in my minds eye constantly reliving events over and over again. It’s not OK to be separated from my Higher Power because my negative thoughts have nothing better to do than create chaos with my emotions.

 Finally, the moment comes and I realize that when I am fully present in the “NOW”, I can break the false power that I have given to my mind.

Thankfully I begin to relax by imagining a giant oversized old fashioned scale like the ones used in courtrooms. It represents my life. On the left there is one pile of sand that represents all of my thoughts of Love, Beauty, God, Relationship, Prosperity, Grace, Goodness, Creativity, Perfect Health and Happiness. On the right is a pile of sand represents my fears, anxiety, lack, impatience, stress, anger, ego, control, imperfections, doubts and so on. It has become very clear to me that to regain dominion over my mind over the holidays I must change my thinking now. I must replace my old thinking with thoughts and ideas that have a loving power that I can believe in. The power of my “thinking and believing” is what manifests my reality.

It is totally up to me which side I place that grain of sand on. If I have thoughts that I believe in that create a warm and loving world filled with goodness and light then I have empowered myself and the world around me to be a better place.

Every time that I allow a negative, unconscious or painful thought to enter my mind I am allowing another tiny pebble of sand to be placed in the wrong side of the scale. Every thought and experience of doubt, fear, regret, unkind word, resentment, anger and greed continues to add more pebbles of sand to the wrong side. Before I know it, my scale has moved so much that my unloving thoughts completely put me out of balance.

That is what seems to happen to so many people during the Holidays. We have forgotten how to be the good gatekeepers of our thoughts and beliefs. I have noticed that if we do not stand awake and fully present at the gates of our thinking we are lulled into a false belief of how the world should be and forget that we truly are the creators of our realities.

During this time of the year the pressure is far greater to be happy and meet everyone’s demands and expectations. We still only have the same 24 hours in a day. We can never change that. What we can change is the power we give our thoughts and how we react to world around us. We get to choose how we want to live our lives and we get to choose how much joy and happiness we will allow into our world.

 There are many powerful tools and practices that I have found extremely useful in helping me break my old patterns of thinking that no longer serve me.

The power of Meditation helps me quiet down my mind so that I can hear the quiet still voice of Spirit. Learning to practice stillness makes me more receptive to listening to Divine Inspiration.

Echart Tolle says learn to be the observer of your thoughts. From Western religion I have learned the power of Gratitude, Forgiveness and Non-Judgment. And from the Eastern traditions I have learned how to balance my energy with my body.

So, as the Holidays approach I now remind myself of what I must do. For me to have a Holiday experience that I really, really want I need to be more present and live in the “NOW” as often as I can. I get to choice which thoughts I give power to. I really only want to entertain thoughts of LOVE, GRATITUDE, FUN and SPIRIT so that my life will be blessed to overflowing ……. I can live with that.

OK Let’s bring on the Holidays. I am ready and in the Now.

Namaste

Rev Arpad Petrass

www.ArpadPetrass.com

Summer: Where Everything is Wild and Free and Fleeting

Summer reminds us that it is a season.

The water is warm, the nights are long, everything feels soft and light, hot and bright. As a kid summer felt like a year in and of itself, as an adult summer feels like the blink of an eye.

How can summer feel so big and yet so fleeting? How do I get in alignment with it before it's gone and I find myself in line buying school supplies and musing about Halloween costumes?

Because if there is one thing that summer does well is that it reminds us that it is only a season and it will pass. 

This is the only "Summer of 2014" that we will ever have. 

At this month's Parent Forum with Pattie Mercado we discussed "GEMs." GEM stands for a "genuine encounter moment." Basically, it's what we live for as parents and as people. 

Those eternal moments in which we stop, connect and encounter. The moments when we feel truly alive and the world feels like it stopped for a moment, the moments of peace, the moments that take our breath away.

That afternoon after the Parent Forum I got a little "nudge from the universe" reminding me that gems can be found as close as the backyard and as soon as now.

"There is a story of a friend who took his family on multiple summer vacation getaways. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of all the summer vacations he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and was taken back to hear is son say 'The thing I liked best this summer was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.'"

May your summer be filled with gems.

Graduation Message for the Parents




Our daughter's graduation 3 years ago
This June our son will be the grad!

Graduation for our family falls on Father’s Day this year. It is perfect in so many ways. As our son joins his sister as a university graduate we the parents are coming to the end of an era. After twenty-two years of one or both children being in school we are about to be complete. Tuition, grades, homework, projects, school activities, teachers, professors, classmates, roommates, housing, etc. etc. are over! What on earth will we do with our time (and money)!  Our son, the graduate, is receiving advice, congratulations and words of wisdom from well meaning friends, family, professors, potential bosses advisors and anyone who can get a word in. In light of this and because I know we are not alone, I am offering my own reflections on what this momentous occasion means to the parents of the graduates.

Congratulations! You did it!! No matter where you are on the parenthood journey if you have made it to the end of the school year you have reached a huge parent threshold. Take time to acknowledge and appreciate all of the growth, change, success and failures that have been experienced over the year. And be ready for the next one... 

It’s just the beginning, it’s not over – the fun has just begun! Whether your child is graduating from kindergarten, middle school, high school or university, we the parent, keep on growing and learning about ourselves and life. What better classroom than that of being a parent! Each year the kids start over in a new school, new grade, new classroom. We too start fresh with renewed intentions, goals and plans of our own. Take time to reflect on your parenting successes.

Well done! Really! I find it helps to remember that our kids are on their own right and perfect path and the best way we can help them to navigate this busy and always changing life is to do our own work – work on our own life and model for these amazing kids what it means to be authentic, honest, creative and purposeful.

Mostly what I want to say to all of the parents out there is this: Congratulations parents of graduating students - you have reached a significant crossroads in your life as a parent. May it continue in joy and love.

Parenting the Divine

Last week I spent an entire day with my young adult son. I learned so much! I had a clue that my son is a wise man, a gentle soul, creative and driven by an inner push to reach his goals. I had an idea and yet, when I spend time with him I am amazed at who he is: his insight and wisdom when he is afraid, and his courage when he is passionate about something. I find myself awed by the many facets of my son. And then I remember. I remember the Truth about my son. He is made in the image and likeness of the Divine. He is an expression of the Infinite Potential that I call God. Of course he is today more than he was as a child and of course his interests have evolved and shifted over the years – even the weeks since I last spent time with him.  He, like the rest of us is continuing to evolve.

What kind of parent are you? Do you see the Divine in yourself as a parent and in your children sometimes, rarely, all the time?  Whether you are Permissive, authoritarian, certain, or a leaf in the wind your parenting style and experience probably changes with the situation and the child involved. I am the same parent with both of my kids – authentically me - and I use different parenting tools because my two kids are not the same person. Of course! They have unique personalities, they respond to pressure – both self imposed and inferred differently. They respond to my parenting differently. Man it would have been easier if they wanted the same, acted the same, and responded the same – but that’s not the way life works. Every child-parent relationship is unique. Each has their lessons for us and the opportunity for us, the parent, to know ourselves and our children better – and in knowing ourselves and them a little bit more completely, honestly, openly we are allowing the Divine to be known – by means of us.  

As a practice, we can make the effort to get to know another side, the divinity of our kids by remembering the truth about them, and ourselves, by looking with an expectation of seeing the divine, and with the humility of knowing it has been there all the time. Sometimes that is tough, even seems downright impossible! I know. I have been there. But wait; there is help for this work!!!  Each month at the Parent Forum we challenge our old views, beliefs and strategies. We hold them up to the light of Love, Truth and Reality within the loving support and wisdom of the group. The life of the parent is one who is constantly being challenged, praised, criticized and idealized. Find some peace and clarity in your own experience at the Parent Forum on April 9^th.

Planting Seeds

Happy happy happy are we

Happy happy happy are we

I love you, and you love me

Together we make a happy family!!

When my children were young and in the "Barney" stage of life we often sang this little ditty! We sang it to express our love, to feel better when we were down and we sang it because we were "in love" and we were happy! I loved this time of parenthood, my kids were so receptive to songs and, books with messages of character, kindness and creativity. I was keenly aware of the seeds that were being planted in my childrens mind and like a good gardener I was mindful of the crops, the seasons and the patient nurturing that was required.

Fast forward to this year when my children are now young adults and we see each other when they have time, and can fit their dad and I in to their busy schedules. We no longer sing silly songs or use the plates with the affirmations on them at dinner. They are truly the head gardeners of their lives. To prove my point I received a text from my daughter a few nights ago. All the text included was a link to a Huffington Post article. I followed the link and saw a title that made me stop. "How to Get Flat Abs, Have Amazing Sex and Rule the World in 8 Easy Steps" I think 'she's been hacked' - can you hack a text? Surely this is not something my sweet daughter would send to me. And yet I continued on to read the article and was fascinated and excited! This was great stuff! This was really good and powerful and, and, and -- my daughter had sent it to me!  About the time I finished reading the article I received another text from my daughter. This one said "read it - you'll like it. And it mentions one of your favorite books!" And I thought, oh my god! My daughter is sharing her seeds with me -- the seeds she is planting in her mind, in her life as the gardener of her own life - and not only that she knows one of my favorite books --but wait which one was she referring to? I had to go back to the article (all of this on my phone) and read through it quickly to realize that she was referring to The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Yes it is one of my favorite books and yes, my 24 year old daughter is harvesting and experiencing the seeds we planted all those years ago. And, so am I!

The stage of this gardeners life has changed too. I no longer make up silly little songs - well not often. Everyday I plant the seeds in my mind for what I want to grow in my life. Today, I am planting seeds of acceptance and trust. And, like a good gardener I am planting them confidently in prayer, watering them with affirmations and trust, surrounding myself with other spiritual seekers who remind me that we are all gardening together.

Here is the link to that article that my daughter shared.

• Article: http://huff.to/1evSRA9

Teachable Moments for Parents Available at the Parent Forum

How is your summer going?

Tomorrow is July 12. It will be one month since the CUSD schools ended for summer, and I’m pretty sure that all I did was blink. One really has to wonder where the time goes... If I was one of those conspiracy theorist types, I would venture to guess that somehow they are siphoning minutes from my days when I’m not looking – you know, the way hackers can get into your bank account if you’re not careful. Of course, I am the only one who can fritter my time away. I know that... (Anyone for a game of Words With Friends?)

The thing is that as summer approached, I purposely avoided signing the kids up for a bunch of camps (any camps, actually), because I wanted to give them a chance to recharge a little – to have some down time to relax and enjoy their summer. Of course, July finds them still training for the Junior Olympics, playing high school summer league, and my youngest is in summer school. While I guess the minimal-obligation phase of summer won’t officially start until August, their schedules are considerably lighter than they are during the school year. Although, I must confess that I was stunned by how quickly the first month of summer flew by.  My visions of lazy days spent at the beach were slipping away like sand between my toes.

Epiphany struck as it occurred to me that this was far more about me than it was about them. I found myself in one of those parenting teachable moments – only I was the student! Skipping the camps was only part of the issue. There was no doubt that the girls needed the down time. Between school, water polo, church and other charity activities, they are very busy during the school year. However, it’s not just about giving them big chunks of unstructured time to use as they please. They (and I) must be mindful about the free time. They don’t need me to dictate what they do, but they need to be aware of the time, and be cognizant that they are at choice as to how they spend it. At fourteen and twelve years old, they are old enough to be making these sorts of decisions for themselves; and I need to be okay if they choose to spend an afternoon watching what I consider mindless cartoons. It’s not going to impact whether or not they get into college.

Giving them room to make those less than desirable choices is one of the hardest parts of parenting. It is also the birthplace of so many other teachable moments. Many of my children’s best-learned lessons were the ones they taught themselves. Those opportunities for showing them a new perspective also brought a deeper connection and greater mutual understanding.

My children are wonderful, delightful, people who know that I love them dearly, which I guess is why they put up with my occasional parenting missteps. They know that I, like most parents, strive to do my best. Fortunately, I have found a great friend and mentor along my parenting journey who has created a powerful tool that is available to parents. Her name is Rev. Pattie Mercado and the tool is the Parent Forum.

Rev. Pattie has created a space where parents can benefit, not only from her wisdom and experience, but also share tips and support each other. The forum typically meets at the Center on the first Thursday of each month at 11:30am-1pm. Due to the holiday last week, we are meeting today this month, so please plan to join us! Childcare is available and a delicious light lunch is served. 

It is truly one of the highlights of my month! I hope to see you there.

Embracing Diversity through Compassion

As we all are living in this time and space, in this moment on earth, a shift is occurring on this planet.  A direction of the understanding of Oneness is taking shape.  A movement that we all are here together to coexist amid our differences.  And those who are born with “disabilities” are given the ability to navigate through this time to cultivate compassion in their fellow human.  Compassion is created through the hearts of parents who recognize the child’s place in the world.  As this is a cyclical universe, this experience of compassion can lead to reciprocity of compassion throughout the planet.

In part of his Ted Med talk, Andrew Solomon, discovers an acceptance of diversity through parents of children with inabilities to be “typical.”  He speaks of his search to understand the struggles associated with raising these children.  He finds the underlying power of Love, that creates a deep compassion, that may not have been experienced if not for these children’s “disabilities.”  As a journey to find his own discovery of acceptance, as a homosexual man, Solomon discovers parental Love is one of the strongest forms of Love.  Through his quest, the trajectory of his life changed, which lead to a deeper, richer experience in the decision to become a parent.

As with Solomon, to truly learn compassion is to put it in action.  To donate monetarily to a cause is admirable; to actually enter into the life of that cause is transformative.  To have this experience of compassion can change a life, and can change the world.  Who is ready to change the world?

And So It Is! 

Allowing Life to Happen

At my house, they play water polo. My son and middle daughter also swim competitively, but the sport that matters is water polo. I’m pretty sure that neither of my daughters could tell you who won the last Super Bowl, much less who played. Actually, I don’t know that my son could tell you… but that’s fine. He is an awesome water polo coach. Just ask any player on his 12 and Under Boys team.

This weekend is huge for us – it’s the Junior Olympics Qualifier tournament. The winners of this tournament will go to National Junior Olympics later this summer. Needless to say, everyone at my house is a little keyed up this week. Probably no one more so than I. They have invested months of practice time in preparation for this tournament. (Trust me, I know, because I drove them to all of those practices.) That investment of time and effort has yielded tremendous benefits for them – they are both outstanding water polo players. I know that they can hold their own against any team they meet this weekend. 

Still, Orange County is the epicenter of water polo nationwide. This weekend, they will be facing some of the toughest competition the Junior Olympics has to offer. So there is a possibility that one or more of them won’t qualify for the national tournament. (Won’t that make for some awkward dinner conversations?)

This is one time that I wish I could chuck the concept of right action, and just cheer for them to win with every fiber of my being. Certainly, there is a lesson for them in losing, but couldn’t they learn it some other time?  After the hours of practice they’ve logged, the parties and outings they’ve missed, they would be so disappointed if they didn’t qualify for the National Junior Olympic tournament.

I would be so disappointed, too. I’ve had a front row seat on their journey. Sometimes I’ve been the passenger, sometimes I’ve been the driver, but always I’ve tried to support them. (Which is how I ended up as team mom. Talk about hours logged, Yay!)

Now, here we are, on the eve of JO Quals, as they are commonly known, and I am more on edge than the kids. Perhaps that’s because I have to sit back and watch it all play out. There is nothing I can do to influence the outcome – I can’t play for them. 

As parents, we all want the best for our children, and it can be difficult to watch them go out and risk disappointment. We have invested so much of ourselves in them and helping them achieve their goals. It can be hard to be relegated the role of observer.

The thing, of course, is to know that it is all right action. Life, unfolding exactly as it should.
As it always does.

Balance, Balance, Balance!

 

As a parent it is easy to find life being all about the kids. When our two children were young preschoolers their father and I would strive to balance our lives around  the very important issues of sleep, play dates, parenting classes, parenting books, the parents of our kids friends, and oh, ya work! My husband and I saw each other over dinner that was consumed by baby talk, snatched moments of intimacy and looking over the heads of our sweet children who consumed our lives and the thoughts we were thinking. To save ourselves from becoming baby-maniacs we balanced our lives with becoming involved in our spiritual center. The same one we attend today, our center was a refuge for me as a young stay at home mother.

When the kids were school age, family vacations were at kid friendly places, our friends were the parents of our kids friends, our activities were the activities of our children so we were Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts and students again.  We watched "G" rated movies and spoke of the tooth fairy, how to be a friend, and who got to stay home alone while the other parent took the kids to their activities. My husband and I discovered date night and the power of a weekend away and even vacationed without the children thanks to our family and the circle of friends established in those early preschool years. Our thoughts were still consumed by our children in these years and we were well equipped with the spiritual tools that we learned at our Center to balance parenthood with our marriage. Kids and work, life and living was all the creative expression of our lives. Somehow we were able in those years to deepen our connection within our spiritual center as volunteers, and leaders. Our circle of friends were our kids friends parents and our classmates from church. We learned, along with our children, about the value and importance of our "church family". 

I look back on the teenage years with fondness - mostly because they are over! We all survived the inevitable rolling of the eyes (mine as much as theirs) demands on our time from overburdened school activities, the crazy taxi driver life, and the extreme sport of pulling away while clinging to life as it has always been.  My husband and I were involved in every aspect of our children's lives and they in ours. Balance was a matter of fitting more onto the plate of activities because surely there was room for more good in my life. I was definitely more adept at this than my husband who has always had an easier time saying no than me! During the teen age years my husband and I became licensed Practitioners here at our spiritual center. We were trained in the art and science of prayer. What a blessing to our family and ourSelves!!  The process required us to be in class one night a week for several years. Because we went through the classes together we experienced our growth together.  During the teen age years we all grew! We had a village of support that included our extended families on both sides and our church family. 

Now as parents of young adults my husband and I are still involved here at our beloved home away from home our spiritual center. We have friends here at church and in our neighborhood, from my husbands work and friends of friends. We have kept in touch with some of the parents of our children's  friends but mostly we have our own now.  Our children are our friends and we have a life outside of parenting that I never could have imagined. 

Tomorrow my husband and I celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary and when I think about how we did it I know it is balance! We consciously and sometimes unconsciously balance our lives to include God, our dreams, our passion and each other. Oh, yeah, and our kids are part of that balance too! The theme throughout our 27 years has been our spiritual community. Here we have grown in love and in age. Here, we have come to know ourselves. 

Parenting with the Power of I AM

I send my kids into the world equipped with self-worth and shame-resilience.

Early in my parenting role, I had the opportunity to take Science of Mind classes at the Center. In class, Dr. Heather made the power of I AM abundantly clear, explaining that when we refer to the I AM we are talking about our Self, the "Self" in self worth. Yes, it's true! We are building our mind's belief about who we really are. So anytime we state "I AM" and then put words like...tired, wrong, bad, stupid, lazy, fat...behind it we are defining our self concept.

That made so much sense to me and I immediately became more conscious and mindful about how I defined myself and others. In our home, we outlawed words like stupid and dumb. And, I recognized that "you are" is just as powerful as "I am" especially coming from a parent.

Fast forward about 10 years.

Those who follow the blog know I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. In Daring Greatly, she has a chapter on wholehearted parenting and talks about raising shame-resilient children. On page 225 she tells a story about her daughter Ellen and an experience she had at school that offered me a perfect example.

When Ellen was in Kindergarten, her teacher called me at home one afternoon and said, "I totally get what you do now."

When I asked her why, she said that earlier in the week, she had looked over at Ellen, who was in the "Glitter Center" and said, "Ellen! You're a mess." Apparently Ellen got a very serious look on her face and said, "I may be making a mess, but I'm not a mess."

AHA! Now I must admit, even though I understood the power of I AM and redirected my children based on action not character, I never really quite got the rephrasing until now. Reading this was a powerful moment for me.

Do you see the difference? It moves our thinking from defining ourselves or our children, to creating a changeable moment. So, for instance, instead of staying "I am wrong" we could change it to "I said the wrong thing" or "I made the wrong choice." I AM still lovable, worthy, good, right, whole, but sometimes I do things that I can change.

Even though I didn't totally "get" the rephrasing as clearly as I do now, I did choose to bring my family to the Center every Sunday. And Rev. Pattie bases the youth program around recognizing God qualities and speaking them with "I AM" statements like I am...joy, power, love, peace, abundance; the real truth of who they are.

My children might encounter shame-based interactions out in the world, but in those moments, I want them to respond like Ellen did and know "That's not the truth of me! I am Magnificent! I am Perfect!"

Just in case you've forgotten your magnificence, here's Jami Lula to remind you!


Was reading this an AHA moment for you? Are you reading Daring Greatly? Did Jami Lula's song remind you? I would love to know what you took away from this post or the book. Join the conversation in the comments.

How my middle school daughter found her way back to church

My daughter now finds joy, friendship and connection at the Center thanks to the Middle School Group meetings.

I began attending the Center for Spiritual Living when my oldest daughter was just starting first grade and my middle daughter was in preschool. They loved coming to see Rev. Pattie every Sunday. In fact, they asked almost daily, "Are we going to church today?"

Imagine my dismay when my middle daughter, now a preteen, said, "Can I just stay home from church today?"

"NO!" I said in complete shock.

I believe that at least once a week my girls need to connect with our spiritual center and that was non-negotiable. I am the parent so I set the rules, right? Well, she challenged and I explained my decision week after week, until I finally talked to Rev. Pattie. Yes, I called in the big guns!

Rev. Pattie listened. She considered my struggle. Then, she went to the source. She called several middle schoolers together to uncover the problem. You see, my preteen wasn't the only one expressing discontent. I wasn't the only parent battling the dragging feet.

In her wisdom and armed with information, Rev. Pattie concluded that what our preteens really wanted was greater connection. She explained, "Once a week isn't enough time to build connections."

The next week, Rev. Pattie started the Middle School Group on Tuesday afternoons. The first Tuesday four girls attended. Then they invited a few friends. And they invited more friends. Soon, the Middle School Group grew to 10 to 12 preteens, laughing, playing, building connection.

When I asked my daughter why she likes Middle School Group she says, "Because it's fun." Then, I questioned, "Why do you like hanging out with Rev. Pattie?" The answer..."Because she's fun." Hummm...I'm seeing a trend, aren't you?

I recognized right away the wisdom in Pattie's solution. We all need to feel connected. We all want a sense of belonging and to know that when we show up we will be greeted by people we know and like. And, I think the preteen insecurities only magnify that longing. When we only show up on Sunday, the process takes longer. But, if we get an opportunity to be social, well, those friendships just bloom.

Is it easier to get my daughter to church on Sunday now? Yep! Has our preteen room grown in attendance? You bet. Is Rev. Pattie one of the wisest women on the planet? Um...like Yeah!

If you have a sixth or seventh grader, stop by the Center's Middle School Group on Tuesdays between 4 and 5:30 to check it out. Everyone is welcome!

Everyone Is Welcome!

Rev. Pattie creates connections with preteens.

At a recent meeting, the Middle School Group created outdoor sculptures with Charlie, a local artist and volunteer.

Spiritual Parenting: Magic in the Ordinary

St. Patrick's Day always reminds me to bring a little more magic to the ordinary. 

Children are so open, ready and willing to believe in the invisible. They have unwavering faith that magic exists and find joy in looking for fairies in the flowers and leprechauns in the clovers. The young know, without a doubt, that gold is waiting at the end of the rainbow. Do you have that much faith in things you can't see? Do you believe with all your heart that your prayers are answered and God hears your call?

When my older daughter was small, she experienced anxiety at bedtime. While tucking her in, I created a magic bubble and in it I sprinkled all sorts of good thoughts: cotton candy, tree houses, butterflies, cuddly kittens, play dates and cupcakes. She would fall asleep feeling snuggled in all the goodness life has to offer. And, on St. Patrick's Day morning she, and years later her sisters, woke up to green toilet bowls and emerald milk, a sure sign of the leprechaun's visit. Some years, we created traps for those tricky leprechauns. We spent time painting rocks gold and hiding them under a tricky trap. We never caught one, but she never stopped trying. Now as a teen, she easily manifests her dreams and quickly demonstrates her prayers. She continues to believe with child-like faith.

Mimi Doe, author of 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting, lists "Add Magic to the Ordinary" as Principle Number 6. She says:

We can "catch" some of the magic from our children and reignite our own souls. Parenting becomes a magical journey when we allow enchantment to infuse us. Use whatever fills your heart with harmony, for it's hard to "make" magic for others when we don't experience it ourselves.

How could you add enchantment to St. Patrick's Day weekend for yourself and your children? Here are some ideas:

• Gather rocks, shells, doll furniture or recycled materials and create a fairy garden in the back yard or a planter. Read The Borrowers by Mary Norton for inspiration.
• Put chairs upside down, add green food coloring to the milk and toilet water, or move furniture around the night before St. Patrick's Day. When the kids wake up, blame the mischief on leprechauns.
• Stop at McDonald's for a green Shamrock Shake and don't forget to buy one for yourself.
• Create an all green dinner menu with your kids...maybe even green eggs and ham.
• Buy potted shamrocks from the nursery and look for leprechauns hiding among the leaves or search for the magical four-leaf clover.
• Paint rocks gold and hide them around the yard for a gold hunt. Let the kids trade their gold in for a treat or money for their piggy banks.
• Read Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig with your kids. You can find it at the library. Then, go to the beach to look for your own magic pebble. Create a story with your kids about all the things your magic pebble can do and then find a special place to keep it.

Let your imagination guide you. I guarantee years from now your children will look back on St. Patrick's Day and remember the magic. And, by keeping magic alive, you will nurture the whole family's faith and joy.  

Spiritual Parenting

Feeling isolated, my teen needed a centered parent who understood.

This week tensions ran higher than usual with my kids. I have three daughters: a teen, a preteen and a preschooler. The developmental stage for all  of these ages focuses on detaching from parents, finding individuality and hanging out with friends. Ugh! It creates a family life with everyone wanting to go in different directions.

As a parent, it's challenging sometimes to peacefully manage every one's needs and expectations. Often, I feel overwhelmed, frustrated and misunderstood. For example, the other day my teen accused me of favoritism and being too permissive with her younger sister. Initially, I felt hurt and checked in with myself to see if her accusations had merit. When I got quiet and released my defensiveness, I realized her outburst wasn't about me. She was feeling unhappy and disconnected from her friends. I didn't quite see it at first, then I realized she wanted a different life experience and was expressing it. I was the safe place to voice her discontent.  

Mimi Doe, one of my favorite New Thought parenting experts and author of 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting, writes in the chapter called Release the Struggle:

Next time you are locked in conflict or can't find your way out of a problem, take a deep breath and say, "I let go of my struggle to make things happen and I surrender to the intuitive voice within me to reveal the answers for my greatest good." Then wait with faith that divine order is at work and answers will come. Let's admit to ourselves that we are not perfect parents and allow God in to help.

Those beautiful words perfectly expressed what happened for me in that interaction. Instead of trying to fix myself or my daughter's unhappiness, I simply opened up to God's grace and received clarity. For me, seeing the conversation clearly allowed me to release my emotional attachment to our heated discussion and find peace, love and understanding. From that place, I smiled and nodded with wisdom. I could now know for my daughter that she would find abundant opportunities to connect with friends outside of the classroom. 

Two days later, a friend called and invited her to attend the high school's afternoon soccer game. My teen's joy and enthusiasm after the soccer game made me smile. Happiness returned. She was in alignment with her good.

This demonstration reminds me why I meditate in the morning. Meditating keeps me open and receptive to God's grace, so when the teenage, preteen and preschool emotions overflow, I can be the wise, centered parent who is ready and willing to hold a safe and loving space.

If you are looking for spiritual parenting insight and support, join Rev. Pattie Mercado and other spiritually enlightened parents today, 11:30 a.m., at the Center for the monthly Parent Forum. The Parent Forum meets on the first Thursday of every month from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the Center. Email Rev. Pattie at pattiem@cslcv.org for more information.

Finding Beauty in Messy Family Life

In our busy family lives, how often do we take a moment to honor the beauty around us.

Last night, snuggled in bed, I flipped through my copy of Simple Abundance and was drawn to the essay from January 18 titled Beauty: Opening Our Eyes to the Beauty That Surrounds Us.

Sarah Ban Breathnach writes:

"Gaze into the faces of those you love, set the table with care, and relish the preparations you make for dinner, delighting in the presentation of your meal. Light candles, pour wine or sparking water into your prettiest goblets and celebrate this new awareness. It is in the details of life that beauty is revealed, sustained and nurtured."

Don't you just breathe a little deeper reading this? Doesn't it sound so lovely and peaceful?

It doesn't say:

"Grab what you can out of the fridge. Throw together something they will eat, regardless of its nutrition. Yell at everyone to come to the table. Fight with preschooler to eat. Remind teens to put their knees down and receive an eye roll in return. Gobble down what's on your plate. Then clean up as fast as possible to get homework finished, dishes done, and kids bathed. And, to maintain your sanity and patience, drink an extra glass of wine."

Hmmm...I see room for improvement. I do have to say, that occasionally we stop before eating and do the blessing Rev. Pattie teaches the kids in the Center's Kids Day Out Program. In case you don't know it, it goes like this:

Hand up.
Hands down.
Breathe (take a long satisfying deep breath)
Breathe again (that felt so good we do it again)
Thank you for our food (said together) 

Every time we do that before our meal, it slows us down just enough and usually invites more conversation.

So for today, I intend to slow down, light some candles, set the table, drink out of my beautiful crystal and pray. And when I can't find the beauty or even the peace, God grant me the ability to see the humor and laugh.

What do you do to honor the beauty in your busy life? How do you slow down? Share it with me. As you can see, I could use inspiration.

Kids Day Out at the Center for Spiritual Living

Mommy needs a break! I felt guilty saying it, even thinking it. But as a person who prior to being blessed with motherhood needed lots of regular quiet time to stay sane ... let's just say that luxury has left the building.

Then came Kids' Day Out, for 2 - 4 year olds, there may be some 5's in there. Every Tuesday at the Center from 9:30 - 12:30 a small, co-op style playgroup meets. Parents are asked to volunteer occasionally so there are always two grown ups watching the kids.

Kate chose to paint.

My opportunity to stay and volunteer in the group was this past Tuesday.

We played. We washed our hands. We had snacks. We practiced our pleases and thank yous. We shared.

There was play dough, painting, games, doll houses, trucks, puzzles, books and the jump rope was a big hit. Kate chose to paint.

As I watched Kate sit at the table with her snack, smiling over her apple slice at her new friends, I realized how good this is for her. She needs play with her peers too. And that's okay.

She cried when it was time to leave but then she slept the sleep of a contented played-out satisfied little person. And that made Mommy very happy.

Join us some Tuesday! Contact our Youth Director Rev. Pattie Mercado to sign up.
Call 949-240-6463 ext 105 or email pattiem@cslcv.org.

When Mommies get a little extra time they get creative. Here's proof:
More pictures, straight from Juli Isola's photography blog post of Kids Day Out, thank you Juli Isola!

photo credit: Juli Isola

photo credit: Juli Isola

Photo Credit: Juli Isola

Parent Forum Every First Thursday

Yesterday was the first Thursday of the month and I was so relieved. Why you ask? Can you say Panera sandwiches and childcare.

We gather, we have sandwiches and we talk. Sometimes a little discussion and fellowship is all you need to feel renewed and maybe even a little validated. I am very thankful for the support and camaraderie I have found at the Parent Forum. Patty Mercado does a great job of facilitating discussion. Let me share some of my most treasured tidbits.

Have a Parental Vision.
You will be called to make snap judgments when you least expect. By processing and reviewing our own values and recognizing who we want to be as parents and what values we want demonstrated will guide us in those moments we could never prepare for. 


Clearly articulate your values to your children.
You need to clearly articulate your values to your children. You will have uncomfortable conversations. And if things don't unfold in a manner you ideally wish they had you can still discuss things in the aftermath. All is not lost. It's just a learning and growing opportunity. 


It's the agricultural model.
We can't grow for them. We can't get into their heads. We provide a healthy environment, good information, good nutrition and nature takes its course. We are watchful stewards for each child. We are looking for each individual child to thrive and we take responsibility for providing that. 


Come join us some Thursday. 

A Little "Happy Tool" from the Parent Forum

Today at the Parent Forum I learned one, small tip that I immediately implemented this evening.  What I experienced was something rather profound.

This one tip ended up giving us an interactive dinner conversation, some laughs, and a tool we'll implement probably every day.

During our discussion at the parent forum, a mom brought up the question of what to do when her daughter gets angry, sad, etc. and can't be comforted.

The solution was to implement "Happy Tools."  

We gather our 'Happy Tools' by asking our children, "What could I give you or do for you when you are sad or angry?"

Their answers become our 'tools' for future freak out sessions.

So, at dinner, I asked my boys the question above.  The conversation and laughter we experienced as a family was a memory in and of itself as they thought of their 'tools.' We heard, 'give me a train,' '...a hug,' '...quite time,' etc.

The quiet time surprised me...you mean, it's not just moms that want quiet time?!?!

But even more invaluable is we have something to pull out when soothing a temper tantrum doesn't work.  We have a new, exciting tool to use and for that, my time at the parent forum is certainly worth it!

The Magic in the Ordinary for St. Patrick's Fun

The Center’s recent Parenting Forum inspired me to look at my favorite parenting books. The one that jumped off the shelf to me was 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting by Mimi Doe. The book is well loved with water damage, coffee stains and dog-eared pages. Somehow in the hustle and bustle of the past 3 or 4 years, I forgot about this book. It called to me. I thumbed through the pages and landed on the chapter, The Magic in the Ordinary, which, to me, seems perfect for the month of March when our belief in magical leprechauns is ignited.

In the chapter Doe reminds parents that “By inviting her (the child) to see the magic in the ordinary, you strengthen her spirituality so that it lives forever in her life. When she reaches adulthood, your child will have no need to search outside herself for something to make her happy.”

 

This week ignite the magic with these activities:

• Make a fairy home in the garden using recycled materials, rocks, shells and sticks.

• Lie on the grass and daydream with your child as the clouds float past.

• Brainstorm and make a leprechaun trap out of recycled materials (cereal boxes, yogurt cups, strawberry baskets) with your child. You can even paint rocks gold to use as bait.

• Buy green food coloring with plans to turn milk and toilet bowl water green (I always put the food coloring in the tank so when the children flush in the morning the toilet bowl water is green) while the children sleep on March 16. When they wake up on St. Patrick’s Day let them discover the leprechauns’ mischief.

• Find a patch of clover (or buy some at the garden center and plant it in a pot) and search together for a four-leafed one. Talk about other lucky charms or special items children can carry with them in their pocket or backpack.

Above all, we know that magic happens when we connect and, really, taking time to make the week special is all about connecting as a family.

Join us with your child at the Center this Sunday. The children will explore Faith with me and the Youth Church team. We will be discussing how the Law always works using natural laws as examples. 

Written by Juli Isola