Practicing Compassion and Kindness

Every time I step on my yoga mat, my wise teacher reminds the class, “Yoga is a practice.” 

I’ve learned that a “practice” means you approach whatever you are doing without expectation, taking what comes in the moment with gratitude.

It’s a simple concept but not always easy to do. My mind likes to assess the status of the body and judge whether this will be a good or bad day for yoga. But, really, is there ever a bad day for yoga? Ha!

The same could be said for compassion and kindness. It’s a practice and there really isn’t a bad day or time to practice. Regardless of what’s going on in your world, compassion and kindness, just like love, seem to improve any situation even if it’s just your experience of it.

Last year I took a class with Rev. Pattie called Living My Life Purpose. One of the practices in that class was to raise and praise people and situations in our experience. At that time, I felt like I was living in my car, driving my kids to and from three different schools and a variety of after school activities nearly daily. I decided to start raising and praising all the other drivers on the road. Out loud declaring, “I raise you and praise you!” when someone cut me off. “I raise you and praise you!” when someone didn’t stop at the intersection. “I raise you and praise you!” to the road workers causing delays. First it added humor to the situation because my kids thought it was hilarious, and second, 

it reminded me of the power I have in the moment
to invite God into any situation by means of me.

In August, we are exploring the ideas of compassion and kindness. How can you invite God into the moment by means of you through your practice of compassion and kindness? How can you make your life more vibrant and alive by practicing compassion and kindness in the moments when it's not easy?

If you are looking for some ideas, here are a bunch! Pick something and do it, then share with us on our Facebook page how you noticed your life expand.

Losing My Peace

Recently, I was nudged backwards in time to my mid-twenties. Although I treasured how smart I was, I was undoubtedly very unenlightened. I have never been much of an athlete, but I was exceptionally good at jumping to conclusions. Many of them were false, some were potentially harmful, and for some of those opinions, the harm was done fifty years ago and is still perpetuating all manner of negativity. I may have worked through the stuff personally, but what happens when strong words affect someone else? Those ideas may still be in someone's subconscious mind.

Let me try to explain.

The other night my younger sister called, very happy that she had finally seen a psychologist for counselling. She sounded so hopeful and free. She said that she had spilled her guts, revealing secrets that she had never told anyone.

She did have some terrible secrets. She had some heart-breaking experiences. 

So she wrote about the two major secrets she had been keeping and sent them to her four siblings. She began the letter by saying that we all had had different parents and she knew that we would not have seen our family the way she saw it. Metaphysically this is true for all families. We each have our own experiences and our memories will reflect our world-view.

I thought I knew about the secrets but was shocked to see that I had played a big part in one of them!  Me--her biggest supporter!         

Right when she needed my love and compassion the most, I made assumptions about the situation that were only partly correct. I judged her.  I scolded her. I belittled her. I probably made her feel worthless. (Hold on a minute, no one can make you feel anything.) My self-righteous words acerbated her feelings of low self-esteem. They helped her feel ashamed and guilty.

It reminded me of one of our core concepts that we can use by examining our motives with the question: "Would you rather be right or would you rather be  healed?" Now I know I would rather be healed.  I know I was not completely heartless. If I had known her whole story, I would have been kinder and more compassionate. But at the time, I was pretending to be Don Quixote, wanting everyone to be respectful and wise. These qualities are great qualities,but maybe disrespect was the perfect way to be in  those circumstances.

This is not the first time I have had to look at how my judgmental, critical self has gotten in the way of deeper intimacy.  However, seeing my actions through the eyes of an injured heart-broken child has given me a gift of self-reflection.

There are three questions you could ask yourself before saying anything. These questions have been attributed to Rumi, Sai Baba, the Quakers, poets and many others. I could not determine who said them originally but they are: "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?"

In my case, I was not yet self-reflective. The world seemed pretty black or white to me then. I could only have answered yes to the first question and then I only had part of the facts.

When I read her email, I lost my peace. I felt regret and sadness. Then I remembered the power of self-love and self-forgiveness. I remembered that given who I was at the time and what I knew, I did the things that would have been typical for me. If I had known better, I would have done better. 

Now is the time to accept what is. Now is the time to forgive myself. Now is the time to choose to see through a peaceful heart and a quiet mind. Right now I choose to feel hopeful and filled with Divine Guidance.

This was a perfect week to begin our Peace Meditations. I needed it.

This is what I know for certain. It is never too late to make a new decision. Consciousness is always demonstrating itself. Life is good. The Universe is for us, even when we don't know it. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

Part of our Peace Garden

The Season for Nonviolence Week 1: Self-Care Brings Compassion

I do yoga for fitness, mental, spiritual and physical. Most often I take a power yoga class to get my blood flowing, but after my busy weekend I was called to take a slower paced yin yoga class. It felt good to listen to my heart and my body. The yin class ended up being the perfect restoration for my body and my soul. It reminded me that we just entered the Season for Nonviolence and what a perfect way to begin by caring for myself. 

The Season for Nonviolence, sponsored by the Association for Global New Thought, is an educational, media and grassroots awareness campaign spanning the 64 days between the January 30th and April 4th memorial anniversaries of Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The purpose of the Season for Nonviolence is to focus educational and public attention on the philosophy of attaining peace through nonviolent action, as demonstrated by legendary leaders including Gandhi, King, Cesar E. Chavez, Nelson Mandela, and His Holiness, Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet. 

These great leaders represent people and faiths that span beyond borders and doctrine, limited only by the willingness of the individual. 

The organizers of this beautiful season offer suggestions for embodying the ideas of peace, compassion and kindness in daily life. In this first week, organizers suggest focusing on being more compassionate to ourselves. Here are some of their suggestions:

• Do what's in your heart. Really listen to what is in your heart and take action.
• Smiling is a way to establish a heart connection and a peaceful outlook. Smile and make eye contact with 5 people.
• Focus on the good qualities in yourself and others
• Think of ways you can better care for yourself. Put it into practice.
• Believe that peace is a possibility. Offer a prayer or focus on peace in meditation.
• Think of ways to free yourself from drama. Turn off the news or refrain from complaining.
• War is born from ignorance. Try to learn something new. 

Or...maybe you just take a slower pace, stopping to smell the roses. Whatever you choose, I know it honors the Season for Nonviolence and spreads peace like wildflowers. 

We Are, One Race

Don Kindred, the publisher of the San Clemente Journal writes in the current Journal: 

"We occupy these spaces for only a fraction of time. But our lives are important, not just as individuals, or families, communities, or states and countries...but as humans.

We are, one race." 

The title of his message is "Life, Matters."

I thought it was an appropriate and timely message. I was very grateful that our Center had been featured in the current San Clemente Journal.

Senior editor, Ann Batty, wrote a lovely article about our Center in that same magazine.
She was interested in us because she heard we were 'healers.' And indeed we are healers. The basis of all our healing is the idea of oneness: "There is only one Life. That Life is perfect. That Life is God's Life. That Life is my life now." When we see life as an opportunity to be curious about each other, we create bridges of understanding and peace.

As many of you know, I was recently with family in Canada for my mother's funeral. After the funeral, family gathered to break bread together and to connect. I was so heartened by a conversation I overheard between my two nephews -- one a high school social studies teacher and the other a salesman. Usually the salesman is known to be a joker. The salesman was asking how the teacher handled difficult subjects in his classroom -- of race, or privilege or violence, etc. The teacher was very passionate about free speech and how important it was to have conversations with each other about our differences without resorting to violence. He also said that he knew that the teens who were talking were usually regurgitating what they had heard at home, not necessarily their own original thinking. When he finished speaking, he apologized for monopolizing the conversation. His cousin, assured him that he (and all of us) benefited from the teacher's experience and was grateful that the teens had someone like him to listen to them and perhaps moderate the debates between students with differing views.

I was proud of the maturity and wisdom in these two young men. I have lived at great distances from both of them, and doubt that any of my philosophy or values have rubbed off on them, yet when it comes down to it, human beings are all in this together. And life matters.

The conversation would not have happened if someone, hadn't been curious enough to ask questions.  We are all in this together.

The Greatest Healing Power

Recently I saw a news story that touched me deeply. I think it is a universal message of being connected to everyone and everything. It is a true story which is still going on in Whittier, CA. It is about Ed Gernon, who opened his heart to a feral dog, and gave him a home. The dog, now known as Rex, was basically living on his hunting skills. Then one day when  they were out for a walk, Rex stopped and wouldn't leave a tiny, injured hummingbird. Ed says that the bird looked dead to him, was covered in ants but Rex insisted that his companion do something. So Ed took the hummingbird home and nursed her back to health. The hummingbird, aptly named Hummer has been living in Ed's home for the past year. Ed says he surprised himself with the measures he took. He fed little Hummer every fifteen minutes from sunrise to sunset  until she regained her strength. He says he taught her to fly with a hair dryer. She loves both the man and the dog who rescued her. She bathes in Rex's water dish. She sleeps in Ed's glasses. She will even let him give her a kiss. The three of them are inseparable.

When I saw this story, I was deeply moved for many reasons. First, Ed had to see the gentle possibilities in his adopted "wild, bad boy" dog. Then Ed's dedication to Hummer was amazing. Constant, consistent loving care was required and the results are miraculous. Patience and optimism were present. Ed was guided to listen to Rex when Rex was insistent that he save this little creature. The story did not say that Ed was a bird lover and in fact left me with the impression that raising a hummingbird was the last thing on Ed's mind. Yet the intelligence within him guided him to do the right thing. Love guided him to befriend both of these beings. 

Paul told us in Corinthians 1:14: "Love is patient. Love is kind."

Ernest Holmes tells us the the Divine is present in all people and all beings. Ed Gernon's loving care is evidence of that patience and kindness.

It makes me wonder how many times I have walked right by someone or something that could have used my help. It makes me wonder what other gifts I have to give. Ed, Rex and Hummer are my teachers even though they have never met me. Today I will look for ways to be kind.

Children Will Learn

In honor of my mother and for all mothers everywhere, I dedicate this poem and my blog.

2012 Sister  Kathy Hoiness, me, friend  Lois Cole and Mom

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

"If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live."

This week as we are honoring mothers, let's see each one in the highest light. Some of my readers will have been raised by wise, saintly women. Others will have not. But no matter how wise or foolish our mothers were, they gave us the gift f life. What we make of it, is now up to us. Let's know that they have done the best they could given where they came from, what they lived through and their perceptions about life. If they had known better, they could have done better.

Let us see ourselves and all of our relations through the prism of loving kindness and forgiveness.

May this mother's day be filled with kindness and love. 

Niece Heather, sister Kathy, Mom and me New Year's Eve 

No need to Jump through Hoops

Do you have a belief, either conscious or unconscious, that you need to meet certain criteria to be spiritually acceptable?  Many of of were taught that there was a God somewhere judging our every action and thought! He was particularly interested in our sinful, perhaps lusty thoughts. Then at the end of your life you would be judged as being good or "not good enough" to enter into Heaven. That version has several flaws.

First, our Creator would not give us desires and then judge us for the very desires He created in us and then judge us for using them. It would make God mean-spirited, petty and unforgiving. That might be creating God in our image! Or someone we might know.

Second, heaven is within. We are already in it and do not have to earn it. We simply need to choose it.

 A mean-spirited God  is not the kind of God I believe in.

I believe in the God of Love. The God who was crazy in  love with Itself, who couldn't stop Itself from making me and you in Its image and likeness.

I believe in a God who is beside Himself with Joy, doing the Snoopy dance all day long. Wherever the Divine Gaze rests,beauty  springs forth.

I believe in a Creator wild about the colors that he has created. I envision Him at play in the hoar-frost of winter, the new cherry blossoms in spring and the gorgeous autumn colors. 

A mother's love for her young is God's crowning glory, His "piece de resistance" I see the Creator in the hummingbird who built her nest right outside my front door, in a scrawny bush, but still with enough camouflage her babies would be safe. She sat on the nest until two little hummingbirds were ready to fly!

Mother hummingbird well hidden

I believe in the kindness and goodness of all people. 

Recently I moved out of the home I have been living in for four years. I was greatly blessed by kindness from others. I am thankful for all of them. I am thankful for the planners who laid out my new home and organized my existing furniture in it. I am grateful for the fast -thinking packers who simply were in the flow of doing, never stopping simply moving forward. I am grateful for the methodical packers who measured twice or three times and cut once. I am grateful for the Window Guy who replaced screens for me because I felt it was the right thing to do. I am grateful for the hauling and sorting. I am grateful for my cleaning women who look after me so well, seeing with eyes filled with compassion for me. I see God in each one of these beloved. I see the evidence of the Divine. All of it is Love in action and I am greatly blessed. I see that there never was any need to jump through any spiritual hoops. My good, just like the baby hummingbirds' good, is at hand. I am choosing heaven today!

A better look at the Hummingbird

An Understanding Heart

In her book, The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity, Edwene Gaines tells the story about wise King Solomon whose answer to the question God asked him of what did he want, he answered that since he has a nation to rule, to wanted God to give him an understanding heart. God was pleased with that answer and gave him riches and honor as well.

Edwene goes on to say,

What it means to have an understanding heart is you can't blame anybody for anything. You can't blame your ex-spouse, the Pope, the Internal revenue Service, your boss, your hairdresser, the Republican party, the Democratic party, your parents, the Queen of England, anybody.And you especially can't blame yourself You have to live in a constant state of being forgiven."

What would it be like to live in that state of consciousness? I believe miracles would happen all around you. 

Is there something that is heavy on your heart? The unconditional Love of the Universe wants to give you what you want. But it cannot when we have anger or regrets.We can learn from great women and men who have learned to forgive so that their lives could be better.

Living with an understanding heart reminds me of an interaction I witnessed several years ago between a father and his pre-school son. It was the day before Mother's Day, the dad  was doing some shopping in Trader Joe's. He gave his son a bouquet of roses to hold. The little boy was kind of dragging the flowers behind him and using them to point and tap on objects. When the father noticed, he very tenderly and gently, got down on the boy's level and said, "Son, you need to be gentle with these flowers. They are special for your mommy. You need to hold them like a baby." That boy cradled that bouquet for the rest of the time in the market.

I applaud that father for showing his son that gentleness and tenderness are good qualities. I applaud him for being observant and kind to his son. I applaud his understanding heart.

A Father With His Son

Compassion: A Force for Change

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. -Viktor Frankl-

The Consciousness of Kindness and Compassion can be a place where one's heart is pulled to change. Buddy Dumeyer is a retired Police Officer from the Louisville Metro Police Department.  He retired after 27 years of service, and became involved with the Coronor's office.  Buddy is the coordinator of the Indigent Burial Program. This is a program where burials are performed for those who's families are not able to financially afford the costs of burials, or for homeless individuals who's family members could not be located. Though this program provides for the cost of a burial, Buddy saw a need for change in regards to the actual burial ceremony.

Buddy felt a pull to honor the homeless people who were being buried, who sometimes had no family members or friends to attend their funerals. Several high schools in the area joined the program, and has several of their students attending, and being pall bearers at the services. Buddy has said this was his calling, and the students felt a change in the way they view and honor their current relationship from the work they have been involved in.  From hearing of this story, and the high school students who teamed up with Buddy, a young filmmaker, Edward Heavrin decided to make a documentary about the subject. The film is titled The Potter's Field.
https://www.facebook.com/ThePottersFieldFilm

Our charge is to look for the places where we can be of service. Kindness is active, and just a small act allows a change within ourselves. We have the capability to be a Force for Change.

Where is Home?

Where do you call home?

I was born in  a tiny prairie village. I was raised in another tiny village. For my early years this was my home. I spent my young adult life on the prairies. Recently I returned to Saskatchewan to visit my mother. Especially in the summer, there is a great beauty and feeling of vastness there. I had forgotten how far one can see in the open prairies, the beautiful ever-changing skies and the constantly blowing wind.  I no longer call it home or even have a twinge of nostalgia about it. I love living in southern California. However, I also saw reflected old-fashioned values of kindness, compassion, courage and consideration.

There have been many places that have been home to my mother. Of course, the one I most strongly resonate with is a house that my dad designed and built (with lots of help) in the village of Conquest, Saskatchewan. From there, Mom and Dad moved to Saskatoon to a bungalow which had lots of memories for me. It was there that  I hosted my first large family dinner. I was 22 years old and with not much sense, invited my in-laws for Christmas. My parents, who were vacationing in California, loaned me their home. I cooked for 26 people that Christmas day...two meals dinner and supper.  The first turkey dinner was scheduled for noon. I think I finally served it at 1:30 PM. (I really missed my mother who would have been able to coach me through that ordeal.) Many years later my parents moved to a modest apartment and bought  a travel trailer in Mesa; they spent many years as snow-birds.  their home in Arizona was filled with friends, playing cards and talking about their most recent shuffleboard. games. Their home in Canada was a place the family gathered.  Even after my dad made his transition in 1993, Mom still lived six months in each place. It worked well for her while her friends were still in the trailer park and worked well for me because I could see her more often. Then Mom moved into a senior living apartment. Now she is living in a personal care home.

My mother's room overlooks a beautiful flower and vegetable garden in which she likes to walk and sit. Because people were raiding the garden, the home but a lock on the gates. They gave the code to the residents but my mother's eyesight is rapidly deteriorating so she was concerned that she couldn't see the numbers and letters on the lock. I suggested that she could memorize the placement of the numbers and letters. She did. Almost immediately she had it mastered.  Although one of her faculties is dimming, she used her memory to compensate. She felt great. I am reminded how important freedom and autonomy are to all of us.

In her new home, Mom is surrounded by 29 other seniors and provided for by care givers. She has three meals a day with her new friends. Sometimes they gather for conversation, sometimes they just sit quietly with one another. One morning when I returned to visit Mom she was excited to tell me that the previous night, her care giver, Anna, had danced for them. I didn't know what to imagine. Mom explained that Anna had just recently returned to work after knee and hip surgery. She brought some music with her and danced with joy, first by herself and then with  another resident. She simply was filled with joy of being alive. By dancing by herself, she gave permission to all the residents to fully be themselves. It was a beautiful gift she gave.

Mom was very sad to see me leave because I don't know when I will be able to return. Still she sees me on Skype almost daily. I am glad I got to see her new home, and meet her new friends.  I am very happy to be home, here in southern California where the palm trees remind me I am living my dream now!

Saskatoon in winter

What is the Divine Masculine?

Sunday is Fathers Day. It is a day to honor our dads. My intention is to honor men -- God knows they have had their fair share of  ragging on, dismissing, distrust and jokes about their unworthiness, their lack of compassion or their brutality. Yes, there are some brutes out there! I will concede that point, but there are so many good men too. As I was researching the Divine Masculine (which is part of both women and men) I realized that even the men that scare me have redeeming qualities. And maybe being scared isn't all it's cracked up to be! The six archetypes of the Divine Masculine are God, King, Sage, Lover, Warrior, and Priest. We all can develop these qualities.  The Divine Masculine is the part of us that chooses, initiates, causes things to happen. It is a very important part of our spiritual make-up.

Lela & Gordon Clark, and Neil & Geraldine Burrell

What I really want to write about is my father, Gordon Douglas Clark. Most readers of this blog may not have met him.  He made his transition twenty years ago, but continues to influence my life today. It has been said that our parents' job is to develop both roots and wings in their children. Roots so they will remember what is important and wings so they can look after themselves. 

Dad was the youngest child in a family of three boys; the oldest became a geo-physicist, the second a dentist and my dad was a teacher. These men loved ideas and when they were together there would be  much laughter, not joke telling as much as story-telling about themselves and their friends. They all loved language and were always quipping and playing with concepts. 

Dad also loved to sing. One of the highlights of my childhood was family car  trips because the whole family would sing for hours. Later when I learned to play piano, I learned those old standards that the family loved to sing. Then finally, when dad's Alzheimers' had robbed him of his quick wit and logical thinking, I made a cassette tape for him that contained all the old standards that he loved to sing -- "Let me Call You Sweetheart," "Side by Side" and dozens of others. Although I lived nine hours away, I could participate in our family sing-alongs. My sister would take it to the care facility and they would enjoy an evening of singing.

He was a very good dancer, but I could never follow him!

Gordon & Lela dancing

I have many favorite memories of my dad but the one that is heaviest on my heart today, is getting a letter from him offering me support when I was nursing a broken heart; it seemed to me that I was often feeling abandoned and rejected by the ones I loved. Dad wrote the sweetest note, quoting Tennyson, "Tis better to have loved and lost/ Than never to have loved at all." I was in my thirties then and I had not expected that kind of kindness and love. I guess I had expected outer voices to match my inner tormenter, who was yelling at me for choosing such a scoundrel in the first place.

There are so many stories I could share about my dad. He passed twenty years ago this August. I miss him still. So much of who I am came from my dad.

What are your special memories about your father?

My family 1979

My family 1991

My family 1961

Happiness While Seeing Goodness in Strangers

Happiness While Seeing Goodness in Strangers

I rarely watch the news. I especially do not watch the news late at night or watch CNN(Constantly Negative News) twenty-four hours a day. It is good to keep informed, I just don't want to immerse myself in the "muck and mire of things."

While browsing facebook the other day I came across a video that makes my heart happy. It shows ordinary people making a difference in life by doing things in extraordinary ways. Until I found it on Youtube, I didn't know it was Russian. I trust that you can see the beauty of these acts of kindness through the filter of Love.

In our Declaration of Principles, Ernest Holmes wrote:

"We believe in the eternal goodness, the eternal loving-kindness, and the eternal givingness of life to all."

What we put our attention on multiplies. This month I will be exploring the theme of happiness. Let us multiply happiness together!

I invite you to look for good events and activities. Notice other people being kind and considerate. remind yourself that we believe in eternal goodness.

I have seen bits of Russian dashcam footage in the news to show stormy weather, police shootings, or other violent activities. I also remember footage from the meteor that landed and caused such chaos.

The video I invite you to watch is spliced together short shots from various dashcams. Some of the quality is poor but I invite you to watch. I needed several tissues because goodness makes me leak a little!

Maybe this will inspire you to go the extra mile and make someone's day happier.