A "Negative Nelly" Contaminates My Mind...Or Does She?

I was having a conversation the other day with a woman I didn't know.

I had just met her, but we struck up a conversation and before I knew it, I was bombarded with a barrage of "poor me's," "ain't it tough's," and "life is hard's."

I can remember, in the past, having those kinds of conversations and unknowingly, taking that energy with me and not understanding why I felt funky for the rest of the day.

On this day, however, I noticed, with great awareness, how far I'd come...

I have a time in my life that I can look back on and recognize a similar mindset like this lady.  My life was a mess, to be honest.  I focused in on what wasn't good in my life, which was my job, my car, my house, my bank account.  Nothing surrounding me was really anything I liked.

What I have come to learn is summed up so greatly by Ernest Holmes:

"Negative forces operating in our lives will die a natural death if we practice the habit of being disinterested in them."

As I fast-forward several years in my life, I no longer give attention to the things that frustrate or challenge me.  Emotions may surface around them, but I have a keen awareness of these emotions, and move past them quickly.

Interestingly enough, I no longer have the things in my circumstances that I don't like.  On the contrary, I have more things that overwhelm me with joy and push me to tears almost on a daily basis...

Why?

Because I choose to put my attention on the things that bring me joy and little attention on the things that frustrate me.

I realized, after watching a recent interview of, Buddhist Monk, That Nich Hahn, that I practiced the greatest gift of all to the woman I will call "Negative Nelly..."

...mindful listening.

I did not offer her advice of "focus on the positive!"  She wasn't in a space to receive that.

I simply listened to her.  I gave her my time.  I gave her an ear and I allowed her to vent her frustrations.

I left, free and clear without an ounce of negative energy from the conversation.  

As That Nich Hahn explained, when we practice mindful listening, for that time, be give someone the ability to release their pain.  Even for a second, we have made a difference in her life.

I knew I had done that for my new friend, however, with an awareness expanding in leaps in bounds because of my classes at CSLCV, I was able to walk away from it clear of any negative feelings, get into my car, and once again, be moved to tears at the overwhelming joy of finally driving a car I love! 

A Tornado Victims Speaks Five Words that WILL Change the World

Photo courtesy of Anchorman Blog

Tragedy struck in Moore, Oklahoma on May 20, 2013.

Many families suffered great loss; from the loss of homes, personal belongings, to the unimaginable loss of life.

As I watched the news coverage the day following, I heard many victims say, "We lost everything," "I don't know what we'll do," or "I'm not sure where we go from here..."

But one comment hit me like a ton of bricks...the ONE comment that is not the normal outlook after a tragedy like this...the ONE comment that can change the lives of millions in our world...

One woman said it nonchalantly.  Without a morsel of emotion, with only the monotonous voice one in shock can use, yet, holding a conviction that will deliver to her, exactly what she wants.   She said,

"We get to start over."

"We GET to start over!"

When most are understandably thinking about the losses they experienced, this ONE woman, is looking forward to what she GETS to create.

In my own personal work, I coach clients to create days where they wake up and feel the excitement of the day in what they GET to do...not what they HAVE to do or SHOULD do...what they GET to do!

That's a feeling to adopt and create on any given day...a "normal" day.

For someone to adopt that mindset on what just may be the most tragic day of their life is something else.

What she GETS to do is start over, reinvent her life and create it exactly as she desires it.

Yes, from the physical things like rebuilding her home to exactly how she wants it, maybe sending her kids to a new, re-built, state-of-the-art school, maybe finally getting the car she's always wanted.

But also, she GETS to choose how she looks back at May 20, 2013.  She gets to choose to see it as a fresh start.  She gets to choose to move forward in her life with a grateful mindset of surviving, starting over and designing a life she loves.

My heart goes out to all of those suffering after a natural disaster like this.  But for those who are seeing the light in it, I send my greatest gratitude to them.  For their own insight empowers others in their "normal" lives to challenge themselves to see the light in everyday challenges.

If one person can take tragedy, see the light in it, and transform her life from it, she teaches others how to do the same; spreading the light to many others, maybe even millions of others, who choose to see the light instead of the darkness.

Power on, Oklahoma...see the light, create something spectacular and inspire the world!  You've got our prayers and our energy with you, as well as millions worldwide.  With that, anything is possible...anything!