I Can't Hear Myself Think

When I was growing up my mom used to say, "It's so loud in here, I can't hear myself think." As a child I thought, "Whatever." Now, as a parent, I totally understand what she was saying.

There are moments, more often than I like, that the noise and busyness of family life are so loud that I can't keep my train of thought. After one particularly noisy trip to the grocery store with all three of my daughters vying for my attention and requesting sweet treats and other extras, I called my mom and told her my tale of woe. I felt on edge and worn out. My mom, in her wisdom and probably remembering similar moments in her parenting experience said, "I'm going to send you a check and I want you to download these meditations. I think they will really help. They have helped me." In her wisdom, my mom was suggesting meditation as a coping strategy and it works! Now I get up every day before every one else to have my 15 minutes of meditation and, on most days, I can, more clearly, "hear myself think."

Funny enough, I'm also a preteen teacher in the Youth Center. I had the opportunity to enlighten the preteens about meditation. Remembering my own preteen "whatever" reaction to my mom's comment about hearing herself think, I asked the kids what they thought when they heard the word "meditation." They responded with:

• boring
• sitting still for a long time 
• eyes closed
• not fun
• something adults do 

I told them about Thich Nhat Hanh and his ideas about meditation. In his book "Present Moment, Wonderful Moment," he suggests meditation can be done while walking, washing your hands, driving a car, picking a flower, cleaning the bathroom, and hearing a bell. All we need to do is use the activity to bring our awareness back to the present moment. To pay attention to how the water feels on our hands or the bell sounds in our ears. And, most importantly, to breathe. Meditation can be as simple as one mindful breath.

So, what do you do when life gets so loud that you can't hear yourself think? For families, Thich Nhat Hanh suggests having a bell in a central location in the house. When someone in the family feels like things are getting a little too noisy or chaotic, he or she rings the bell. Upon hearing the sound of the bell, every family member is reminded to stop and take three mindful breaths. Can you spare 30 seconds for three mindful breaths? If that's too hard or you don't think your family would play along, what about three mindful breaths at every red light or when your phone announces a text message has arrived? How could our lives be different if we embraced the concepts of meditation and incorporated them into our everyday moments?

How and when do you practice meditation? What have you noticed? Share your answers with me in the comments!

The Poised Perspective

In my busy family life, often times balance seems like a myth or a fairy tale. As I race from one school to the next or try to listen to three children talking at once ALL wanting to be heard over the other, I feel like the woman in the old Calgon commercial voicing..."Calgon...take me away." In that moment, I want to escape my life for a little peace and quiet. I tell myself, I really need to find some balance, like that would solve all my problems.

In the Science of Mind text book, Ernest Holmes doesn't even have a definition for balance. Instead, he defines poise. Poise is a synonym for balance but for me conjures up a very different picture in my mind. Say the word balance and I picture a tightrope walker, tense and focused, making each step count so as not to fall. Or I envision a scale, adding and taking away activities to create an even spread of my time and attention. On the other hand, when I think of poise, I think of a way of being or a graceful person, calm and centered, moving with ease.

I've thought a lot about balance this month and I have discovered that the internal sense of poise is really where I want to put my attention. What I know is that creating my life is an inside job. How I feel and think creates my perceptions. My perceptions in turn create my reality.

With a new awareness of poise, I find myself praying more and not one of those throw-your-hands-in-the-air "So help me God!" kind of prayers. But rather an affirmative prayer that starts with a deep breath and recognizes right where I am is all good and all God. I've also found the perspective to be grateful for the fiery daughter who knows her own mind or the bountiful life that affords us all of our activities and the car that gets us there and back. I have also been more mindful of my choices, knowing that I am the creator of my experience.

Being poised is a practice, a daily opportunity. I invite you to consider poise and see if it offers you a new perspective on life.

Balance, Balance, Balance!

 

As a parent it is easy to find life being all about the kids. When our two children were young preschoolers their father and I would strive to balance our lives around  the very important issues of sleep, play dates, parenting classes, parenting books, the parents of our kids friends, and oh, ya work! My husband and I saw each other over dinner that was consumed by baby talk, snatched moments of intimacy and looking over the heads of our sweet children who consumed our lives and the thoughts we were thinking. To save ourselves from becoming baby-maniacs we balanced our lives with becoming involved in our spiritual center. The same one we attend today, our center was a refuge for me as a young stay at home mother.

When the kids were school age, family vacations were at kid friendly places, our friends were the parents of our kids friends, our activities were the activities of our children so we were Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts and students again.  We watched "G" rated movies and spoke of the tooth fairy, how to be a friend, and who got to stay home alone while the other parent took the kids to their activities. My husband and I discovered date night and the power of a weekend away and even vacationed without the children thanks to our family and the circle of friends established in those early preschool years. Our thoughts were still consumed by our children in these years and we were well equipped with the spiritual tools that we learned at our Center to balance parenthood with our marriage. Kids and work, life and living was all the creative expression of our lives. Somehow we were able in those years to deepen our connection within our spiritual center as volunteers, and leaders. Our circle of friends were our kids friends parents and our classmates from church. We learned, along with our children, about the value and importance of our "church family". 

I look back on the teenage years with fondness - mostly because they are over! We all survived the inevitable rolling of the eyes (mine as much as theirs) demands on our time from overburdened school activities, the crazy taxi driver life, and the extreme sport of pulling away while clinging to life as it has always been.  My husband and I were involved in every aspect of our children's lives and they in ours. Balance was a matter of fitting more onto the plate of activities because surely there was room for more good in my life. I was definitely more adept at this than my husband who has always had an easier time saying no than me! During the teen age years my husband and I became licensed Practitioners here at our spiritual center. We were trained in the art and science of prayer. What a blessing to our family and ourSelves!!  The process required us to be in class one night a week for several years. Because we went through the classes together we experienced our growth together.  During the teen age years we all grew! We had a village of support that included our extended families on both sides and our church family. 

Now as parents of young adults my husband and I are still involved here at our beloved home away from home our spiritual center. We have friends here at church and in our neighborhood, from my husbands work and friends of friends. We have kept in touch with some of the parents of our children's  friends but mostly we have our own now.  Our children are our friends and we have a life outside of parenting that I never could have imagined. 

Tomorrow my husband and I celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary and when I think about how we did it I know it is balance! We consciously and sometimes unconsciously balance our lives to include God, our dreams, our passion and each other. Oh, yeah, and our kids are part of that balance too! The theme throughout our 27 years has been our spiritual community. Here we have grown in love and in age. Here, we have come to know ourselves.