How Evolved Are You? Visit Your Family - Part 2

Last week I posted a blog about the anticipation of visiting my drama-ridden family in Pennsylvania.

I had mentioned a saying I once heard, "If you want to know how evolved you are, visit your family for three days."

So, after almost eight years of being away from my family, I set off for a 12 hour drive with my kids and my mom to visit our family in Pennsylvania...the family I had left at the age of 18 and rarely visited since.

I was worried about the drama.  I was worried about the lower energy.  I was worried about what would happen.

Well, contrary to everything I know, my worry was simply worrying about something that hadn't happened....

....and, to my surprise, it didn't.

After traveling so far, I took time to reconnect with my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. and sat up night after night reminiscing about old times.

We had a picnic in the very spot in the yard of my grandmother's house that we had spent so many summers in the past.

My kids saw lightening bugs for the first time.

Catching Lightening Bugs

They experienced my crazy uncle throwing boxes of firecrackers into the fire scaring the sh*t out of all of us as he did EVERY summer that we picnicked in that same spot.

We went horseback riding.

We laughed, we hugged, and we remembered good memories....forgetting to bring up the old, not-so-memorable ones.

Was there drama going on around us?  

Of course.

Did I notice it?

Not really?

What I noticed were the family members who wanted to catch up.

What I noticed was the quiet beauty all around me that I took for granted all those years growing up in Pottstown....the rolling farmland, the blackest black of night, the lightening bugs, the deafening sound of crickets.

I noticed the kids of my cousins laughing with my own boys.

I noticed the love that our family has for each other that sometimes is blinded by the arguing that goes on.

Mostly, I noticed how far I have come in my own mind.

I could have gotten involved in the gossip or drama going on, but I chose to notice the beautiful love deeply embedded in my family.

As I returned back to South Carolina in another 12 hour drive, I noticed how well-behaved my kids were.

The worry I had going into this trip was all for naught.

Another reminder that worry is all about something that hasn't happened, and if we are aware enough of our thinking, probably won't happen.

Thank you, Universe for this amazing reminder, this amazing family I have, and this amazing life I am living!

I am truly grateful.

Want to Know How Evolved You Are? Visit Family - Part 1

I once heard that saying because I laughed out loud.

Nothing can make me crazier than my extended family, to be honest.

That's why I left my small home town in Pennsylvania at the age of 18 and never looked back.

Always filled with drama, I ever felt comfortable being a part of it.

I wanted to get out of our small town and explore the world and ended up settling down over 3,000 miles away in California...

...about as far as I could get from my family outside of moving to a new country.

My mother did the same thing and moved to South Carolina...

...now she's moving to California, so we decided to make a road trip to Pennsylvania before heading back out to the West Coast.

A 12 hour drive with a 7 year old, a 5 year old, and your mother....already a good test for one's consciousness!

As I took my turn driving yesterday, I thought about my prayer before I left...

...I gave thanks for compassion, patience, and protection.

All qualities of God, so my prayer reminded me to receive them as my own as I AM all the qualities of God as well.

I also thought about how, after 7 hours into our trip, all of those qualities were in me.  

I didn't lose my patience with my boys, or my mother.   

I had compassion for my mom as she spoke about her fear of getting cancer, or her fear of losing all her retirement money in the stock market, or many other fear-based ideas she has lived with her whole life.

I tried to give some alternative view-points, but I could tell they went in one ear and out the other.

I wanted to yell and say, "Mom, why do you choose to think this way?"

But, I was always silently reminded of compassion and patience, so I would let it go always remembering that everyone has their own path.

We all have our journey to consciousness and to  a new way of thinking about our lives.

As I parked in the hotel parking lot, my heart fluttered at knowing that the next day, I would see the rest of my family.

I will continue to pray for patience and compassion because that is what I will most have to embody during my visit...

...but remarkably, I am excited to see my whole family.

I'm not sure much has changed, however, that would be a perception as I know how much everyone changes over the years.

I will also pray to let go of judgments that may arise or false perceptions and open my heart to love....

....I know, when we open ourselves to love, we shower others with it.  

No matter where I am in my own growth as a person, I am doing the best I can at where I am in my heart...I know this for everyone and if I simply put my mind on love, I give it to everyone no matter where they are in their own journey.

So, as I write this post, in a few hours, I will be surrounded by my extended family.

This post has helped me know what to pray and meditate on in preparation as it has also shared the true principle of how we approach life...both the good and the challenges...

...by knowing that we each embody the qualities of God, we can take on anything....even our perceived "crazy" families...

....I'll give you an update next week and let you know how I faired :)

Allowing Life to Happen

At my house, they play water polo. My son and middle daughter also swim competitively, but the sport that matters is water polo. I’m pretty sure that neither of my daughters could tell you who won the last Super Bowl, much less who played. Actually, I don’t know that my son could tell you… but that’s fine. He is an awesome water polo coach. Just ask any player on his 12 and Under Boys team.

This weekend is huge for us – it’s the Junior Olympics Qualifier tournament. The winners of this tournament will go to National Junior Olympics later this summer. Needless to say, everyone at my house is a little keyed up this week. Probably no one more so than I. They have invested months of practice time in preparation for this tournament. (Trust me, I know, because I drove them to all of those practices.) That investment of time and effort has yielded tremendous benefits for them – they are both outstanding water polo players. I know that they can hold their own against any team they meet this weekend. 

Still, Orange County is the epicenter of water polo nationwide. This weekend, they will be facing some of the toughest competition the Junior Olympics has to offer. So there is a possibility that one or more of them won’t qualify for the national tournament. (Won’t that make for some awkward dinner conversations?)

This is one time that I wish I could chuck the concept of right action, and just cheer for them to win with every fiber of my being. Certainly, there is a lesson for them in losing, but couldn’t they learn it some other time?  After the hours of practice they’ve logged, the parties and outings they’ve missed, they would be so disappointed if they didn’t qualify for the National Junior Olympic tournament.

I would be so disappointed, too. I’ve had a front row seat on their journey. Sometimes I’ve been the passenger, sometimes I’ve been the driver, but always I’ve tried to support them. (Which is how I ended up as team mom. Talk about hours logged, Yay!)

Now, here we are, on the eve of JO Quals, as they are commonly known, and I am more on edge than the kids. Perhaps that’s because I have to sit back and watch it all play out. There is nothing I can do to influence the outcome – I can’t play for them. 

As parents, we all want the best for our children, and it can be difficult to watch them go out and risk disappointment. We have invested so much of ourselves in them and helping them achieve their goals. It can be hard to be relegated the role of observer.

The thing, of course, is to know that it is all right action. Life, unfolding exactly as it should.
As it always does.

The Poised Perspective

In my busy family life, often times balance seems like a myth or a fairy tale. As I race from one school to the next or try to listen to three children talking at once ALL wanting to be heard over the other, I feel like the woman in the old Calgon commercial voicing..."Calgon...take me away." In that moment, I want to escape my life for a little peace and quiet. I tell myself, I really need to find some balance, like that would solve all my problems.

In the Science of Mind text book, Ernest Holmes doesn't even have a definition for balance. Instead, he defines poise. Poise is a synonym for balance but for me conjures up a very different picture in my mind. Say the word balance and I picture a tightrope walker, tense and focused, making each step count so as not to fall. Or I envision a scale, adding and taking away activities to create an even spread of my time and attention. On the other hand, when I think of poise, I think of a way of being or a graceful person, calm and centered, moving with ease.

I've thought a lot about balance this month and I have discovered that the internal sense of poise is really where I want to put my attention. What I know is that creating my life is an inside job. How I feel and think creates my perceptions. My perceptions in turn create my reality.

With a new awareness of poise, I find myself praying more and not one of those throw-your-hands-in-the-air "So help me God!" kind of prayers. But rather an affirmative prayer that starts with a deep breath and recognizes right where I am is all good and all God. I've also found the perspective to be grateful for the fiery daughter who knows her own mind or the bountiful life that affords us all of our activities and the car that gets us there and back. I have also been more mindful of my choices, knowing that I am the creator of my experience.

Being poised is a practice, a daily opportunity. I invite you to consider poise and see if it offers you a new perspective on life.

How my middle school daughter found her way back to church

My daughter now finds joy, friendship and connection at the Center thanks to the Middle School Group meetings.

I began attending the Center for Spiritual Living when my oldest daughter was just starting first grade and my middle daughter was in preschool. They loved coming to see Rev. Pattie every Sunday. In fact, they asked almost daily, "Are we going to church today?"

Imagine my dismay when my middle daughter, now a preteen, said, "Can I just stay home from church today?"

"NO!" I said in complete shock.

I believe that at least once a week my girls need to connect with our spiritual center and that was non-negotiable. I am the parent so I set the rules, right? Well, she challenged and I explained my decision week after week, until I finally talked to Rev. Pattie. Yes, I called in the big guns!

Rev. Pattie listened. She considered my struggle. Then, she went to the source. She called several middle schoolers together to uncover the problem. You see, my preteen wasn't the only one expressing discontent. I wasn't the only parent battling the dragging feet.

In her wisdom and armed with information, Rev. Pattie concluded that what our preteens really wanted was greater connection. She explained, "Once a week isn't enough time to build connections."

The next week, Rev. Pattie started the Middle School Group on Tuesday afternoons. The first Tuesday four girls attended. Then they invited a few friends. And they invited more friends. Soon, the Middle School Group grew to 10 to 12 preteens, laughing, playing, building connection.

When I asked my daughter why she likes Middle School Group she says, "Because it's fun." Then, I questioned, "Why do you like hanging out with Rev. Pattie?" The answer..."Because she's fun." Hummm...I'm seeing a trend, aren't you?

I recognized right away the wisdom in Pattie's solution. We all need to feel connected. We all want a sense of belonging and to know that when we show up we will be greeted by people we know and like. And, I think the preteen insecurities only magnify that longing. When we only show up on Sunday, the process takes longer. But, if we get an opportunity to be social, well, those friendships just bloom.

Is it easier to get my daughter to church on Sunday now? Yep! Has our preteen room grown in attendance? You bet. Is Rev. Pattie one of the wisest women on the planet? Um...like Yeah!

If you have a sixth or seventh grader, stop by the Center's Middle School Group on Tuesdays between 4 and 5:30 to check it out. Everyone is welcome!

Everyone Is Welcome!

Rev. Pattie creates connections with preteens.

At a recent meeting, the Middle School Group created outdoor sculptures with Charlie, a local artist and volunteer.

Spiritual Parenting: Magic in the Ordinary

St. Patrick's Day always reminds me to bring a little more magic to the ordinary. 

Children are so open, ready and willing to believe in the invisible. They have unwavering faith that magic exists and find joy in looking for fairies in the flowers and leprechauns in the clovers. The young know, without a doubt, that gold is waiting at the end of the rainbow. Do you have that much faith in things you can't see? Do you believe with all your heart that your prayers are answered and God hears your call?

When my older daughter was small, she experienced anxiety at bedtime. While tucking her in, I created a magic bubble and in it I sprinkled all sorts of good thoughts: cotton candy, tree houses, butterflies, cuddly kittens, play dates and cupcakes. She would fall asleep feeling snuggled in all the goodness life has to offer. And, on St. Patrick's Day morning she, and years later her sisters, woke up to green toilet bowls and emerald milk, a sure sign of the leprechaun's visit. Some years, we created traps for those tricky leprechauns. We spent time painting rocks gold and hiding them under a tricky trap. We never caught one, but she never stopped trying. Now as a teen, she easily manifests her dreams and quickly demonstrates her prayers. She continues to believe with child-like faith.

Mimi Doe, author of 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting, lists "Add Magic to the Ordinary" as Principle Number 6. She says:

We can "catch" some of the magic from our children and reignite our own souls. Parenting becomes a magical journey when we allow enchantment to infuse us. Use whatever fills your heart with harmony, for it's hard to "make" magic for others when we don't experience it ourselves.

How could you add enchantment to St. Patrick's Day weekend for yourself and your children? Here are some ideas:

• Gather rocks, shells, doll furniture or recycled materials and create a fairy garden in the back yard or a planter. Read The Borrowers by Mary Norton for inspiration.
• Put chairs upside down, add green food coloring to the milk and toilet water, or move furniture around the night before St. Patrick's Day. When the kids wake up, blame the mischief on leprechauns.
• Stop at McDonald's for a green Shamrock Shake and don't forget to buy one for yourself.
• Create an all green dinner menu with your kids...maybe even green eggs and ham.
• Buy potted shamrocks from the nursery and look for leprechauns hiding among the leaves or search for the magical four-leaf clover.
• Paint rocks gold and hide them around the yard for a gold hunt. Let the kids trade their gold in for a treat or money for their piggy banks.
• Read Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig with your kids. You can find it at the library. Then, go to the beach to look for your own magic pebble. Create a story with your kids about all the things your magic pebble can do and then find a special place to keep it.

Let your imagination guide you. I guarantee years from now your children will look back on St. Patrick's Day and remember the magic. And, by keeping magic alive, you will nurture the whole family's faith and joy.  

Finding Beauty in Messy Family Life

In our busy family lives, how often do we take a moment to honor the beauty around us.

Last night, snuggled in bed, I flipped through my copy of Simple Abundance and was drawn to the essay from January 18 titled Beauty: Opening Our Eyes to the Beauty That Surrounds Us.

Sarah Ban Breathnach writes:

"Gaze into the faces of those you love, set the table with care, and relish the preparations you make for dinner, delighting in the presentation of your meal. Light candles, pour wine or sparking water into your prettiest goblets and celebrate this new awareness. It is in the details of life that beauty is revealed, sustained and nurtured."

Don't you just breathe a little deeper reading this? Doesn't it sound so lovely and peaceful?

It doesn't say:

"Grab what you can out of the fridge. Throw together something they will eat, regardless of its nutrition. Yell at everyone to come to the table. Fight with preschooler to eat. Remind teens to put their knees down and receive an eye roll in return. Gobble down what's on your plate. Then clean up as fast as possible to get homework finished, dishes done, and kids bathed. And, to maintain your sanity and patience, drink an extra glass of wine."

Hmmm...I see room for improvement. I do have to say, that occasionally we stop before eating and do the blessing Rev. Pattie teaches the kids in the Center's Kids Day Out Program. In case you don't know it, it goes like this:

Hand up.
Hands down.
Breathe (take a long satisfying deep breath)
Breathe again (that felt so good we do it again)
Thank you for our food (said together) 

Every time we do that before our meal, it slows us down just enough and usually invites more conversation.

So for today, I intend to slow down, light some candles, set the table, drink out of my beautiful crystal and pray. And when I can't find the beauty or even the peace, God grant me the ability to see the humor and laugh.

What do you do to honor the beauty in your busy life? How do you slow down? Share it with me. As you can see, I could use inspiration.