Parenting with the Power of I AM

I send my kids into the world equipped with self-worth and shame-resilience.

Early in my parenting role, I had the opportunity to take Science of Mind classes at the Center. In class, Dr. Heather made the power of I AM abundantly clear, explaining that when we refer to the I AM we are talking about our Self, the "Self" in self worth. Yes, it's true! We are building our mind's belief about who we really are. So anytime we state "I AM" and then put words like...tired, wrong, bad, stupid, lazy, fat...behind it we are defining our self concept.

That made so much sense to me and I immediately became more conscious and mindful about how I defined myself and others. In our home, we outlawed words like stupid and dumb. And, I recognized that "you are" is just as powerful as "I am" especially coming from a parent.

Fast forward about 10 years.

Those who follow the blog know I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. In Daring Greatly, she has a chapter on wholehearted parenting and talks about raising shame-resilient children. On page 225 she tells a story about her daughter Ellen and an experience she had at school that offered me a perfect example.

When Ellen was in Kindergarten, her teacher called me at home one afternoon and said, "I totally get what you do now."

When I asked her why, she said that earlier in the week, she had looked over at Ellen, who was in the "Glitter Center" and said, "Ellen! You're a mess." Apparently Ellen got a very serious look on her face and said, "I may be making a mess, but I'm not a mess."

AHA! Now I must admit, even though I understood the power of I AM and redirected my children based on action not character, I never really quite got the rephrasing until now. Reading this was a powerful moment for me.

Do you see the difference? It moves our thinking from defining ourselves or our children, to creating a changeable moment. So, for instance, instead of staying "I am wrong" we could change it to "I said the wrong thing" or "I made the wrong choice." I AM still lovable, worthy, good, right, whole, but sometimes I do things that I can change.

Even though I didn't totally "get" the rephrasing as clearly as I do now, I did choose to bring my family to the Center every Sunday. And Rev. Pattie bases the youth program around recognizing God qualities and speaking them with "I AM" statements like I am...joy, power, love, peace, abundance; the real truth of who they are.

My children might encounter shame-based interactions out in the world, but in those moments, I want them to respond like Ellen did and know "That's not the truth of me! I am Magnificent! I am Perfect!"

Just in case you've forgotten your magnificence, here's Jami Lula to remind you!


Was reading this an AHA moment for you? Are you reading Daring Greatly? Did Jami Lula's song remind you? I would love to know what you took away from this post or the book. Join the conversation in the comments.

Kids Day Out at the Center for Spiritual Living

Mommy needs a break! I felt guilty saying it, even thinking it. But as a person who prior to being blessed with motherhood needed lots of regular quiet time to stay sane ... let's just say that luxury has left the building.

Then came Kids' Day Out, for 2 - 4 year olds, there may be some 5's in there. Every Tuesday at the Center from 9:30 - 12:30 a small, co-op style playgroup meets. Parents are asked to volunteer occasionally so there are always two grown ups watching the kids.

Kate chose to paint.

My opportunity to stay and volunteer in the group was this past Tuesday.

We played. We washed our hands. We had snacks. We practiced our pleases and thank yous. We shared.

There was play dough, painting, games, doll houses, trucks, puzzles, books and the jump rope was a big hit. Kate chose to paint.

As I watched Kate sit at the table with her snack, smiling over her apple slice at her new friends, I realized how good this is for her. She needs play with her peers too. And that's okay.

She cried when it was time to leave but then she slept the sleep of a contented played-out satisfied little person. And that made Mommy very happy.

Join us some Tuesday! Contact our Youth Director Rev. Pattie Mercado to sign up.
Call 949-240-6463 ext 105 or email pattiem@cslcv.org.

When Mommies get a little extra time they get creative. Here's proof:
More pictures, straight from Juli Isola's photography blog post of Kids Day Out, thank you Juli Isola!

photo credit: Juli Isola

photo credit: Juli Isola

Photo Credit: Juli Isola

Parent Forum Every First Thursday

Yesterday was the first Thursday of the month and I was so relieved. Why you ask? Can you say Panera sandwiches and childcare.

We gather, we have sandwiches and we talk. Sometimes a little discussion and fellowship is all you need to feel renewed and maybe even a little validated. I am very thankful for the support and camaraderie I have found at the Parent Forum. Patty Mercado does a great job of facilitating discussion. Let me share some of my most treasured tidbits.

Have a Parental Vision.
You will be called to make snap judgments when you least expect. By processing and reviewing our own values and recognizing who we want to be as parents and what values we want demonstrated will guide us in those moments we could never prepare for. 


Clearly articulate your values to your children.
You need to clearly articulate your values to your children. You will have uncomfortable conversations. And if things don't unfold in a manner you ideally wish they had you can still discuss things in the aftermath. All is not lost. It's just a learning and growing opportunity. 


It's the agricultural model.
We can't grow for them. We can't get into their heads. We provide a healthy environment, good information, good nutrition and nature takes its course. We are watchful stewards for each child. We are looking for each individual child to thrive and we take responsibility for providing that. 


Come join us some Thursday. 

A Little "Happy Tool" from the Parent Forum

Today at the Parent Forum I learned one, small tip that I immediately implemented this evening.  What I experienced was something rather profound.

This one tip ended up giving us an interactive dinner conversation, some laughs, and a tool we'll implement probably every day.

During our discussion at the parent forum, a mom brought up the question of what to do when her daughter gets angry, sad, etc. and can't be comforted.

The solution was to implement "Happy Tools."  

We gather our 'Happy Tools' by asking our children, "What could I give you or do for you when you are sad or angry?"

Their answers become our 'tools' for future freak out sessions.

So, at dinner, I asked my boys the question above.  The conversation and laughter we experienced as a family was a memory in and of itself as they thought of their 'tools.' We heard, 'give me a train,' '...a hug,' '...quite time,' etc.

The quiet time surprised me...you mean, it's not just moms that want quiet time?!?!

But even more invaluable is we have something to pull out when soothing a temper tantrum doesn't work.  We have a new, exciting tool to use and for that, my time at the parent forum is certainly worth it!