Reflections

What a year 2017 has been!

It has been a year of endings for some of us, beginnings for others.

I am reminded of a song, "Everything Must Change."  If things don't change there would be stagnation and death. Intellectually, this is not a difficult idea to grasp, but emotionally it is hard for most of us, especially if those changes were unexpected or not according to our preferences.Often when there are changes in our relationships, our finances, our careers or our health, the changes are generally regarded as losses. (We often don't even notice the positive changes!)

It feels tough to lose a friend... or to end a relationship... or to be downsized out of a job... or to be replaced by a younger, prettier, more-desirable model in any area of life.

At this time of year, I am reminded that in nature there are answers. The changes of the seasons are more subtle here in southern California, but they are there. The deciduous trees have lost their leaves or the leaves have become brittle and dried up on the branches.  Some of those leaves remind me of the part of myself that resists change. They just won't let go. Gardeners cleaning up the soil are really preparing for lush new growth in spring. Winters  do not last forever.

The poet Percy Shelly wrote: "If winter comes, can spring be far behind?"

This is such a great reminder that everything must change and ultimately everything is for the betterment  and greater expression of life. 

As spiritual seekers, we are called to view everything, expected and unexpected, as the evidence of the presence of God. We are called to trust that some greater good is always becoming known and present. Even the great good that we are experiencing is ushering in newness. Can we be observers of our lives with joyful anticipation? Can we notice the changes without judging them as unsatisfactory? 

We recently experienced Christmas and many of us gave and received gifts. Part of my joy in giving, is seeing the receiver's pleasure! I can imagine the angels clapping their hands in delight at my unconditional acceptance of what is.

When you give up your good for the greater good, you are proving your trust in the Divine Mind, the unconditional love.

This is a great time of year to consciously choose how you are going to view your life no matter what, as a brand new year is just days away. My intentions are: 

• to say "yes" to life no matter what
• to be rigorously honest and persistently kind toward myself and others
• to look for the good and praise it
• to take full and complete responsibility for my life just the way it is
• to stop whining, explaining or justifying
• to quit pining for what is not and what will not be
• to consistently and joyfully plant seeds of greater good for my body, mind and spirit
• to recognize that God is the Source of all good and that good is at hand

What are your intentions for the new year?

Do you Want to Love Yourself Really?

Whitney Houston sang: "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

 Currently Justin Bieber is on the radio with a very snarky song about loving yourself, as in it is a very self-centered, selfish thing to do. To give you a flavor of the song, one line is,

"My mama don't like you and she likes everyone!" 

 Well which one is it? Is it selfish to love yourself or is it necessary to love yourself? Is it the greatest love or is it the puniest? Is it self-absorbed and narcissistic? Or is it expansive and enlightened?

Perhaps the confusion comes from what is self-love? The original meaning was one of excessive attention to self, but now most of the dictionaries define self-love as looking after one's well-being. It is seen as positive and desirable. 

Many writers believe that self-love is not a feeling but rather actions that one takes to establish self-worth and well-being. 

I believe that self-love is closely related to self-esteem and self-respect. I agree that if you don't love yourself, it will be very hard if not impossible to love someone else. When my self-love is solid, I am a good friend. I can take criticism and negativity with greater ease than if I am feeling emotionally fragile.

The aspect of me that gets in the way is my inner critic. You likely have one of your own. The inner critic always makes me feel small and incapable. The most difficulty I have in maintaining my self-love, and staving off the inner critic, is when someone tells me I am not doing a good enough job and I secretly agree with them!

A recent incident catapulted me into rigorous self-inquiry. What am I making this mean? What can I learn about myself and my habits that would help me live  a more self-confident life?

I hear myself saying things I SHOULD have done! With every SHOULD I give away my self-respect. One of my early teachers taught me to change the "should" to COULD. That certainly brings more clarity while maintaining  a shred of dignity. So instead of, "I should have called my Mom." I could change it to  "I could have called my Mom but something else took precedence."

I believe it is valuable to do things you are good at. It is valuable take some quiet time for observation and reflection. Self-love does not mean over-spending, over-eating or over-indulging. Those are all kinds of self-contempt.

Now the truth about it is that you and I are made in the image of Spirit, whole complete and perfect in every way. One of my favorite and most-powerful affirmations is four simple statements of Truth: 

"There is only One Life.  That Life is God's Life. That Life is perfect. That Life is my life now."

 I think the world would be a much lovelier place in which to live, if we all practiced one act of self-love every day. I stumbled across the following poem which I think is exactly what I am attempting to say. It is by Suzy Kassem, titled "Apply Within."


You once told me
You wanted to find 
Yourself in the world -
And I told you to
First apply within,
To discover the world
within you.

You once told me
You wanted to save
The world from all its wars -
And I told you to
First save yourself
From the world,
And all the wars
You put yourself
Through.

Ridding the Self of Ideals of Perfection

Jack Kornfield writes: "We fragment our life and divide ourselves from it, when we hold to ideals of perfection."

You are like a full box of chocolates

The idea of accepting ourselves just the way we are is not a new idea. In ancient China, the Third Zen Patriarch taught that, 'True enlightenment and wholeness arise when we are without anxiety about imperfection.'

Long ago I heard the group Alliance sing an amazing song, the lyrics began: 

"I love myself the way I am,/ there's nothing I need to change./ I'll always be the perfect me, 

there's nothing to rearrange. / I'm beautiful and capable, of being the best me I can. 

And I love myself, / just the way I am."

This was the theme song for Louise Hay's Hayrides.In the dark days of AIDS, before there was any hope medically, Louise Hay gathered these men and women together and reminded  them of their intrinsic self-worth. For many men self-loathing turned to self-love and acceptance and they were healed.

Yet here we are today, and we still haven't realized how deeply our self-criticism cuts and what damage it does.

If Jack Kornfield's words are true, then our stubborn insistence on making ourselves wrong, is the very thing that is fragmenting our lives. He also says that we are 'dividing ourselves' from it. I am not entirely certain what this means but my best guess is that we are no longer able to see the wholeness that we are. 

The practice of self-love and self-acceptance is not for the spiritually immature. It takes mindful observation and kind and diligent practice. It is usually not something that is done without effort. It is about stopping the inner war and making peace with every aspect of oneself.

For those of us, who believed for one reason or another that we were intrinsically flawed, it is very difficult to bring those shadows to the light and accept them as part of the sacred self.

Recently a friend brought me a gift of chocolates. Each chocolate was looking fantastic. (And they tasted swell too.) There were different sizes, shapes, colors and textures. What would I have missed if I had rejected the colored ones or the square ones because they were different?

I would have missed a whole lot of enjoyment. Love and accept your whole self. You are already enough. Life is sweet.

Stopping the War

For the month of November, our theme is A Path With Heart,by Buddhist author Jack Kornfield. The subtitle of the book is A Guide through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life. It is a delightful book with moving stories, insightful practices and practical information. It is about loving every aspect of ourselves --warts and wonders.

Kornfield wisely points out the need to bring kind attention to all the parts of ourselves. He especially emphasizes bringing loving attention to our wounds. 

He writes: "The unawakened mind tends to make war against the way things are. To follow a path with heart, we must understand the whole process of making war, within ourselves, how it begins and how it ends. War's roots are ignorance. Without understanding we can easily become frightened by life's fleeting changes, the inevitable losses, disappointments, the insecurity of our aging and death, Misunderstanding leads us to fight against life, running from pain or grasping at security and pleasures that by their nature can never be truly satisfying.
Our war against life is expressed in every dimension of our experience, inner and outer."

He goes on to say:"Ours is a society of denial that conditions us to protect ourselves from any direct difficulty and discomfort. We expend tremendous energy denying our insecurity, fighting pain, death and loss, and hiding from the basic truths of ...our own nature."  

We are taught to be brave. To not let feelings show. To act "like a man."

All the time we are making ourselves wrong for whatever is going on within us,we are at war with ourselves. There is always tension, concern. Yet all beings will experience loss, death and pain. Long ago I learned that pain was certain but suffering is optional. However, denying our suffering simply intensifies the pain. try it right now. If you are experiencing any tension or discomfort, simply accept it. Let it be. I usually notice that it slips away.

Kornfield gives an example of a man who was grieving over the death of his child several months previously. The man came to this retreat with sacred symbols from each of the previous retreats. He clearly was struggling. Kornfield suggested that the man put them all away and simply be present to whatever was going on within him. Within a few minutes he was crying. After a few minutes more he was sobbing, truly experiencing the grief that he had been avoiding. That experience was the beginning of his healing. he stopped the war and let the peace begin.

Is there something you are avoiding by your busyness? Is there something you need to feel to be truly present? Is there a part of you that you have been ignoring because it may feel too risky to feel it?

The time is now to stop the war. Call in the troops. There is no need to defend or attack. Wayne Dyer used to say,"You can't take sides in a world that is round." Stop making any part of you wrong. War ends today.

Your Life is Unique and Essential to the Whole

Unique Thumbprint

Recently I attended a ministers meeting at Cedarbrook Lodge in the Seattle area. In the hallway was an interesting art piece, a thumbprint created with the words or qualities that the artist valued. These values were: fair, caring, human, dynamic,and driven. As you can see by the photo, he person taking the picture is in the center of the art. What do you value? Who do you think you are?


Most of us are still in shock with the death of the great comedian and creative genius, Robin Williams. We try to understand how someone who made so many millions of people laugh could not feel that joy himself. We grieve  and we try to understand what we can do spiritually to move through our shock, grief and bewilderment to the experience of acceptance and understanding.

What I am left with is the need to let people know how much we appreciate and love them while we are alive. I am also contemplating the  value of each person's life and how we often mask the pain we are feeling with a brave  face or escape it though some substance such as alcohol or drugs.

What would happen if we recognized that the biggest gifts we have to give, come from our uniqueness?  It is easy to see that no one will replace Robin Williams, but it is just as true that no one can replace any one of us. No one can replace you! You are the magnificence of life and your being is essential to life's unfolding.

Your life is unique and essential to the whole.

The Gifts of Acceptance and Gratitude

gaining a new perspective on acceptance and gratitude

I’ve been all over the place this week … or at least that’s how I feel. Digitally and physically I’ve not been at home. Between housesitting and a dead harddrive I’ve been a displaced person.

The change of scenery, routine and habits has been a nice little shake up in how I experience life. We all get into ruts now and then. The lessons of Acceptance and Gratitude were the gifts. Enjoy.

ACCEPTANCE
Sometimes I find myself railing against the things that I don’t want and yearning for things to be different.

I know that this railing just adds energy to what I don’t want. But I do it anyway. You start to kind of fall in love with your pain, romanticize the wounds, you identify with them so much that you end up giving them energy to grow and fester.

Acceptance, sweet acceptance is like a soothing balm … the psychic aloe vera for our soul. It takes the burn out and lets us heal.

GRATITUDE
It’s an inside job but it’s also a reciprocal job.

And here comes Gratitude, flying in with it’s long red superhero cape, guiding us to acknowledge and feel all the good we are experiencing. Reminding us that we are co creators in that good and in the care and maintenance of that good.

In our eagerness to receive our good we forget that we are co creators and guardians.

I am just returning home after a week of housesitting. It is a beautiful residence but I have become aware of a big source of it’s beauty isn’t it’s location and structure, but the care, consciousness and creativity of the occupants. They co created this space and chose to fill it with beauty and creativity. It inspires me. There is a constant maintenance in keeping a home. We take out the trash, we rearrange the furniture, we apply our consciousness to create form, function and beauty.

Creation takes conscious attention and maintenance.

When I find myself railing against circumstance I am going to apply the soothing balm of acceptance, connect with my super power Gratitude and take care of what is mine gratefully, consciously, and lovingly.

That was my lesson this week.

'Self-Worth, Self-Love, Self-ish'

Being in love with yourself isn't selfish - is it? Join us as we steep ourselves in all that we love and experience the transformation of self-love! 

"Today, I recognize my soul's longing to be nurtured and loved.  I open my heart and allow myself to receive kindness, love and compassion, acknowledging I am worthy of all good things.  And so it is."    -Juli Isola

Happy to be Hapa

Hapa is a slang term used to describe someone that is half Caucasian and something else. Usually the other half is Phillippino, Hawaiian or any other Pacific Islander.

Growing up in Southern Orange County is pretty colorless. Being white myself I never really took notice. Until I married my Philippino husband and we had Hapa kids. For the most part being in an interracial marriage in this neck of the woods has been without incident. Maybe a few sideways looks and some stupid questions about whether or not my kids are adopted or am I possibly the nanny.

Both our girls are teenagers and the last two years I've heard a few disturbing comments from them. Such as they wish they were blonde like me so that they would fit in. One daughter goes to great lengths so she won't get so dark in the summer. The older one in high school has had a few racial slurs thrown at her. I feel so helpless and for right or wrong try and down play it. Of course being biased and their mom I tell them they are exotic looking and kids are jealous. But now I'm not so sure. One girl told one of my daughters that more boys would like her if her skin was lighter. Yes, I had to call the mom on that one. The older daughter is obsessed with getting a nose job because some kids at school said it is a fat and ugly Phillipino nose. So very tragic and unbelievable in this day and age.

On a recent family trip to Hawaii this summer it all changed. The minute we stepped off the plane and into the first eatery both girls exclaimed, "no one is looking at us like we're aliens!" From that point on my eyes were open. Every where we went the locals smiled and said hello to them. Now I was the white girl out! The daughter that doesn't like her nose suddenly saw other beautiful Hapa girls with the same nose. No more talk of nose jobs. She also went surfing in a local spot and not only did everyone in the line up say hello but they would give her waves. My younger daughter said it felt so good to fit in and be excepted .

This realization was both wonderful and tragic at the same time. My girls finally embraced their heritage. Since we are not moving to Hawaii I felt they needed to learn some coping skills for living in The OC. Much to my surprise they were glad to be home and lifted up with a little more pride and confidence.

This experience has really made me see more clearly. I've spent many hours wondering why some California kids feel the way they do and I have a lot of theories. None of which matter. I know this is the way God is choosing to teach my girls about life. They will grow up to be better people for it and hopefully will be globally minded and have a new view on what it's like to be a minority. As we left the airport in Maui there was a huge sign that said Embrace Diversity. The girls and I looked at each other and smiled each of us knowing we already have. Our surfer daughter wants to have her own surf company for women only called Hapa Wahini. The slogan will say Embrace your inner Wahini. So that any women of any race or color can wear the clothes. The younger one wants to do the clothes design.

God's plan is already working.

The Teeter Totter of Life

This month's theme of Balance at our center came at a perfect time in our families' life.
We are in the process of moving and looking for a new place to live, staying in the same town.

Our two girls are old enough to have a say, or an opinion at least. Which makes things even more difficult. One night after dinner we practiced Science of Mind by putting in our "order" to the Universe. On a piece of paper we wrote down specifically what we wanted our new house to look like and how it would fulfill our needs. We left one thing out. Location.

That's when you-know-what hit the fan. My husband and I figured we would make our search wide and look all over town. House hunting can be so depressing. Sometimes I really don't want to know how my fellow man or woman lives. As our search continued I noticed that old familiar voice inside my head trying to convince me that this ordering from the Universe is pie in the sky. I had to do a quick check in with my dear friends Reverend Pattie and Juli.

Back on track. Except that the 15-year-old wants an old funky beach cottage so she can walk to the beach and surf everyday. No matter that the 1960's kitchen oven was the size of my kids' Easy Bake Oven when they were little.

The 12-year-old wants to be in Rancho SC so she can be close to her friends and school.

It got to a point where one or the other kid wouldn't look at a house based on its location.

My husband is easy and tends to lean to wherever everybody is happy.

So here I am not even thinking of my needs and trying so hard to do the impossible by trying to please everyone else.

I did Affirmative Prayer everyday. And kept the faith. But I still felt very unbalanced. My teeter totter of emotions wouldn't stop. The message Dr Heather gave today reminded me to Bend At My Knees and once I'm physically balanced then I may attain Spiritual Balance.

I'm happy to report that we did find our perfect family home. It may not be in the location that one of the girls wanted but ultimately everyone is happy. You know what? The location and everything about the house suits mine and my husbands needs perfectly so at the end of the day I also learned to Balance and Center myself and remember that my needs are important too. Because you know how the old saying goes, "If mom is happy then everyone is happy!"

How is the Balance in your life? Are you remembering to Bend at the Knees?

Youth Is Not Wasted On The Young

How often do you get a chance to experience what it's like to be a teenager again?  I was so blessed to have that opportunity.  Today, I attended "A Day At Camp," which was facilitated by the In-Flight Teens at the Center for Spiritual Living Capistrano Valley, and it was amazing!

Having three children who have had the experience of attending Summer Camps and Winter Camps and never having experienced it myself always left me a bit curious. My kids have always come home from camp with so much love, excitement, and connection in their hearts.  There is such a "buzz" that they feel and share with us as they recall the events of the past week. Not only have they made life-long connections with others, I have seen each of them grow into beautiful and confident people. I think the most common thing they verbalize from the experience is the feeling of total acceptance. While at camp, they don't feel judged or put down, only raised up. I often hear from many of the teens, "I wish I could live at camp." 

As a gift to the parents and our spiritual family, the inspired teens from the Center for Spiritual Living Capistrano Valley created a day that gave us a small taste of what they do while they are at camp.  I feel very confident in stating that all of the adults who attended were quite moved, amazed and simply impressed with the depth, sharing and fun that was experienced.  We not only learned about Love Lingual (the different ways we express our love toward others), we also got to strut our stuff out on the catwalk whilst being barraged with words of praise, and got washed with love during a completion workshop, the Angel Wash.  Now I know why they are walking on air upon their return home.

What a gift today was!  I feel so blessed to have had this wonderful experience and incredibly grateful that my children have the camp experiences and the Science of Mind philosophy to take with them the rest of their lives.  May they always realize how amazing they are, just the way they are. 

And So It Is!