Cleaning Out the Closets of Our Minds

In her book, You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay states that the most common false belief is that we are not good enough. She asks the readers to relax and think about the negative  messages we got from our parents. Make a list to identify them. She goes on to broaden the list to include negative messages that were given to us by our teachers, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, school, and church.

Sometimes it was not a direct message of "you are not good enough" or capable or talented. I can't remember either Mom or Dad, in my formative years saying anything like that to me. They did not belittle us. If anything their message was silently "Don't let us down." "Don't do something that would embarrass us or bring us shame.

What I do vividly remember was what my mom would say about herself. She did this on many occasions. As she was getting ready to go out and putting a dash of lipstick on her lips or powder on her nose, she would look into the mirror and say with disgust and resignation, "Well, you can't make a sow's ear into a silk purse." At first I didn't understand the statement. I just knew that it meant something really negative about herself.

When I was a very small child, the neighbors would call me "Little Lela" -- my mother's name. So inadvertently, without any malicious intent, she was teaching me to dislike what I looked like; to feel that I was not good enough.

One of the points Louise makes in her book, is that we cannot blame our parents for our present thoughts and beliefs. The original thought may have come from the authority figures in our lives, but a belief is only a thought and a thought can be changed. But it can only be changed by the thinker -- me or you.

We are to notice when we are blaming our current thoughts on a person long gone.

The point of power is in the present moment. Go to a mirror and look deep unto your own eyes. See the beauty of the innocent child you were and the truth of the adult you are now today. Now tell yourself that you approve of yourself.

Say it two ways: Your name, I approve of you. Then say, I approve of myself. Say it 200 times every day. For example. "Heather, I approve of you." Then, "I approve of myself."

It is a way to un-clutter your mind from false beliefs. You do not have to struggle. You do not have to procrastinate.  Think of it as cleaning out the trash or the fridge. Do it now. You will be so happy you did. You can turn those negative false beliefs into something beautiful, new and creative. You CAN MAKE A SOW'S EAR INTO A SILK PURSE. That is if you want to make it into a silk purse. Or you might just awaken to realize your unique beauty even if it is a sow's ear.

December 31, 2015
Sister  Kathy, my niece Heather , Mom and me
The Clark Silk Purses

Do you Want to Love Yourself Really?

Whitney Houston sang: "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

 Currently Justin Bieber is on the radio with a very snarky song about loving yourself, as in it is a very self-centered, selfish thing to do. To give you a flavor of the song, one line is,

"My mama don't like you and she likes everyone!" 

 Well which one is it? Is it selfish to love yourself or is it necessary to love yourself? Is it the greatest love or is it the puniest? Is it self-absorbed and narcissistic? Or is it expansive and enlightened?

Perhaps the confusion comes from what is self-love? The original meaning was one of excessive attention to self, but now most of the dictionaries define self-love as looking after one's well-being. It is seen as positive and desirable. 

Many writers believe that self-love is not a feeling but rather actions that one takes to establish self-worth and well-being. 

I believe that self-love is closely related to self-esteem and self-respect. I agree that if you don't love yourself, it will be very hard if not impossible to love someone else. When my self-love is solid, I am a good friend. I can take criticism and negativity with greater ease than if I am feeling emotionally fragile.

The aspect of me that gets in the way is my inner critic. You likely have one of your own. The inner critic always makes me feel small and incapable. The most difficulty I have in maintaining my self-love, and staving off the inner critic, is when someone tells me I am not doing a good enough job and I secretly agree with them!

A recent incident catapulted me into rigorous self-inquiry. What am I making this mean? What can I learn about myself and my habits that would help me live  a more self-confident life?

I hear myself saying things I SHOULD have done! With every SHOULD I give away my self-respect. One of my early teachers taught me to change the "should" to COULD. That certainly brings more clarity while maintaining  a shred of dignity. So instead of, "I should have called my Mom." I could change it to  "I could have called my Mom but something else took precedence."

I believe it is valuable to do things you are good at. It is valuable take some quiet time for observation and reflection. Self-love does not mean over-spending, over-eating or over-indulging. Those are all kinds of self-contempt.

Now the truth about it is that you and I are made in the image of Spirit, whole complete and perfect in every way. One of my favorite and most-powerful affirmations is four simple statements of Truth: 

"There is only One Life.  That Life is God's Life. That Life is perfect. That Life is my life now."

 I think the world would be a much lovelier place in which to live, if we all practiced one act of self-love every day. I stumbled across the following poem which I think is exactly what I am attempting to say. It is by Suzy Kassem, titled "Apply Within."


You once told me
You wanted to find 
Yourself in the world -
And I told you to
First apply within,
To discover the world
within you.

You once told me
You wanted to save
The world from all its wars -
And I told you to
First save yourself
From the world,
And all the wars
You put yourself
Through.

Training the Puppy

The only puppy I have ever had was a beautiful Saint Bernard puppy whose name was Elsie. It was the worst possible time for me to learn how to train a puppy, especially one who would grow so big. I was a newly-wed and also in my first career as a middle school teacher, having finished college in August, I landed a great job and got married that autumn. I had so much to learn and an equal amount to do. I had very little time to be at home. 

Meanwhile Elsie was adorable. She had a sweet temperament but we were ill-equipped to have the responsibility of a dog. Needless to say, there was very little training going on for Elsie. She was training us and not the other way around. 

Within a couple of months, my husband and I could both see that neither of us were able to give her the kind of home that she needed. We were living in a two-bedroom duplex, fairly cramped quarters for what would become a very large dog. She would sit beside the coffee table and with one friendly wag of her tail everything would be swept onto the floor. She rarely had a walk never mind a run! We eventually found a farmer  who said he would take her and look after her, that he had lots of room for her to run and play with his other dogs. All the guilt I had been feeling for not giving her the kind of home she needed evaporated when I thought of her running with the other dogs. That was the fantasy and it helped me cope with my feelings of inadequacy.

We use the metaphor of "training the puppy" to help us learn how to bring awareness to our minds in meditation. We know that a puppy that is loved and trained will grow up to be a wonderful companion. We also know that a dog who has been beaten, mistreated or neglected ends up being an anti-social, mean, unpredictable dog.

It is the same for your mind. If in meditation, you set impossible standards for yourself, scolding yourself for not attaining enlightenment in the first week of meditation you are simply delaying the benefits of meditation. If you can bring gentleness, kindness and love to your thoughts, your body and your feelings, you will see benefits in your life. And nothing is going to happen if you do not make a decision to "train the puppy."

The whole point of meditation is to awaken to the truth of life. It is to see that all life is interconnected. We begin to see that the only love we can give to others, is the love that we first give to ourselves. 

Many people find it difficult to accept and love themselves just the way they are. Our inner voices are often harsh and critical; we have an inner terrorist. What we really are longing for is acceptance and love.

Start today. Give yourself a modest goal, perhaps five minutes. Notice your thoughts, without judging them. Be kind to your thoughts. Be kind to yourself. It is a very good way to start.

Self-Love is Just the Beginning. So Let's Get Started!

Today’s entry from the book “The Joyous Living Journal” is entitled “Self-Love,” and the affirmation reminds me:

“I love myself just the way that I am.

 I know I will continue to grow and learn,

but who I am is already precious and beautiful.”

I just love the timing for this!

Tomorrow, of course, the Women’s Groups is hosting a Girls Night Out at 7pm that will feature a workshop/intuitive art class with an emphasis on self-love. (Lisa McClure gave all the details in her blog post "Art Workshop with Psychic and Local Medium Ginger Roberts", but you can email amygreenroyd at gmail dot com for details.)

I had already signed up to attend to workshop, but if I needed any confirmation, the universe gave me a gentle reminder with today’s journal entry. The messages always seem to come, don’t they? Even if we’re not particularly listening... The thing is, they keep coming when we refuse to listen - they just get much louder, until we can’t help but listen, but that is another topic...Fortunately, I am learning to listen to the gentle nudge.

Learning to love ourselves is truly the key to being able to enjoy happy, fulfilling relationships, and to having any sort of meaningful success..

Perhaps it is time to put away the tapes of negative comments that have been playing in your head ever since you were a child, and replace them the knowledge that you are a miracle of love, light, life, beauty, power, peace and joy. It all resides within you and radiates as you.

I’m looking forward to the workshop tomorrow. Not sure what the outcome will be, except that I’ll spend the evening with a group of wonderful, witty, wise and compassionate ladies who always leave me feeling better for having spent time with them. If you’ve never had a chance to hang out with the ladies from the Center for Spiritual Living Capistrano Valley Women’s Group, I encourage you to do so – you’ll be glad you did.

Melissa

Disconnection is the Root of All Violence

The beauty we see in nature is the same beauty we must know in ourselves and each other.
Photo credit: Darin R. McClure

I was really inspired by a story I read about a teacher's response to the dreadful events at Columbine. This teacher recognized that "all violence begins with disconnection." She knew that bigger problems start with smaller patterns of loneliness and isolation. Read her story here and be prepared to shed a tear or two.

Being a "Disconnection Detective," an emotional first responder begins with ourselves. As we heal our own separation by knowing and reflecting on the truth that the Divine is alive and well within each one of us and that we are created uniquely and perfectly we align ourselves with that truth and our prayers become more powerful.

We cast off our darknesses not only for ourselves but for each other. We learn to come from the heart and to see our Divine selves within ourselves and within each other. We drop the veil of separation.

It's no coincidence that our Spiritual Mind Treatment begins these two steps:

1. Recognize: Use the words you speak to acknowledge the One Creative Intelligence, Express your conviction that Spirit is all and permeates the Universe.

2. Unify: Declare that you are one with the Universe and everything that is true of the Universe is true of you because you are made of the same stuff.

and that the strength of our Recognition and Unification is the power behind our prayers.

Knowing that we are truly all one in this life and that it is a good life.

Black Friday or National Listening Day

One of our members called me on Thanksgiving to let me know that Black Friday is designated as National Listening Day. I don't know if there is an obvious connection but clearly the connection with inner Wisdom is unmistakable! We are being called to live an awakened life right now. Today!  Not in the future but today. What that means is that we trust that we live in abundant universe where no one and nothing can get what belongs to me in consciousness. Furthermore it means to listen to that inner Wisdom and spend what is in your budget and not a penny more.

In my past life, I wanted to please those I loved so much that I would often spend more than what I could afford to please them. I no longer do that. I know that the gifts that I give from the heart, no matter what their cost or form, are more than sufficient. It is difficult for anyone to set a budget with boundaries yet may be the very best thing to do.

I once knew a woman who was very good with her money although she did not earn a top salary. On payday she would cash her check, pay her rent and then put the rest of her money in baggies for the various other things she might buy in a month such as entertainment, gas, groceries and savings. She grew her savings intentionally.

I know another wise couple who have been practicing the 80-10-10 rule for years. They live on 80% of their income; they tithe 10% and they save 10%. I admire them so much for having this discipline.

Lately I have been listening to my inner wisdom regarding finances and looking after myself with love. For many years I thought that meant to buy whatever my whims guided me to. Now I see it differently. I see that self love is also about looking after your future self, too.

I did not participate in Black Friday shopping this year. I think the economy is fine without my dollars. I will be doing a lot of my Christmas shopping at the Holiday Boutique on Sunday afternoon. Living in the present moment includes bringing all your wisdom with you in every moment.

How do you look after yourself? 

'Self-Worth, Self-Love, Self-ish'

Being in love with yourself isn't selfish - is it? Join us as we steep ourselves in all that we love and experience the transformation of self-love! 

"Today, I recognize my soul's longing to be nurtured and loved.  I open my heart and allow myself to receive kindness, love and compassion, acknowledging I am worthy of all good things.  And so it is."    -Juli Isola

Finding Self Worth in the Process, not the Product

In preschool and in life, the value is in the process.

When my daughter started preschool, her teacher reminded parents nearly every day, "Process,  not product" with regard to art projects. So, she brought home messy, random, child-created art, rather than in-the-lines colored rainbows or perfectly glued collages. The preschool teacher explained that each art project was a lesson that built fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, social skills and much, much more. The process developed the child, the creation was simply a by-product. It really didn't matter what the child created. What mattered was that she created something and everything was worthy of refrigerator acclaim because it represented her authentic effort.

Recently, while reading Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly, the process-not-product mantra returned to my consciousness. In her book, she explains that we've become a culture that attaches our self worth to the things we produce: the perfectly written email, the flawlessly composed photograph, or an A-student child. Brown continues to explain that when someone disagrees with the email, our photo only gets 2 likes on Facebook or the perfect child struggles, our self worth suffers. We think we are unworthy of love, that we failed as an employee, an artist, a parent, a person. We give up, hide or place blame for the failure. This chapter stopped me cold. I thought about it for days. I realized I do that! And I wondered, how do I stop? How do I own my self worth again? How do I continue to feel valued and loved, even when I fail?

Process, Not Product!!

I realized it's the creation process that is the reason for being regardless of what's created. And, I can choose to change my inner dialog when not-good-enough starts playing in my head and remind myself what's really true about me. If something is not well received, is it ME that's being rejected or just some piece of paper or digital blurb? This realization allowed me to recognize and separate my Self (the self that is God essence, always perfect and always lovable) from the product (the things outside myself, the material.) When I value the process, I value the person who showed up (me) and had the courage to create and share.

While meditating on this concept, I pictured myself as a small child who had never written an email, composed a photo or parented daughters. That small child was loved just because she was born. Even though I've grown up, I'm still loved just because I'm here, living, loving and expressing in this world. Recognizing that is an act of self love.

Are you loving yourself just because you showed up today? Can you let go of your attachment to the things you produce and simply find value and worth in the process? Can you say, "My Being is much bigger than anything I produce?" Join the conversation in the comments!

Self Care Mary Oliver

One night this week, I was awake most of the night with what felt like glass shards in my lower abdomen. After my 8 AM conference call, I decided to go back to bed and get some more sleep. I slept until 2:30 PM, then took the rest of the day off. The next morning I was talking to a wise woman who praised me for this action. She asked me, "Do you make self-care your highest priority?" She admonished me that as a care-giver, it was really important to look after myself.

When you travel by plane, the flight attendant always reminds the passengers, "Put on your own oxygen mask first, then look after the others in your care. Indeed it makes sense for a mother travelling with small children AND it makes sense for every one of us. If we don't learn to take care of our own needs, what will we have to give? I have been a minister for a long time. I know the Principles of life really well but sometimes I don't practice as well as I could.

Maybe we all need a reminder, a cheat sheet for self care. The spiritual essentials are; prayer, meditation, tithing, serving, and learning. So do you make your spiritual time a priority? Do you love yourself enough to give yourself the first hour in every day to connect with Source? Do you take time to do things that make your heart sing? Do you know when you are depleting yourself and when you are refueling?

I know that there are ways to refuel for me. Reading a poem by Hafiz, Rumi, David Whyte or Mary Oliver will often do it for me. Listening to really beautiful music or being in the mountains will also inspire me. Relaxing in a spa also feels seductive.

When you look after your Soul, you are paying homage to the presence of God within. Do it. Plan to do it today. When you love yourself, you live in grace.

And So It Is 

Affirmation: Boundaries without Borders

I give myself permission 

to say no to the things or requests that don’t serve my highest calling, 

acknowledging it as an act of self love. 

And I know 

the simple act of setting boundaries 

does not sever or limit my good, 

but rather enhances it 

and allows my authentic self to shine.