Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Fathering Happiness

Honoring the men in our lives, a focus on what we love most about them, is the question.

A dad that fathers humor.

A remembrance of the sweet moments of everyday life is one key to honoring our men.  It's easy to overlook the day-to-day operations as being of significance.  However, these are the memories that our children will reflect on in their future.  They will say, "Remember when..." or "I always loved it when you did..."  These sweet moments build to form a relationship that is strong, and paves the way for our children's own future relationships.

"I love that Darin brushes their hair.  I love that he instills skills of independence and self-confidence in the girls by teaching them how to do things.  His collections of movies and pictures remind me of our special moments and that time passes quickly.  Humor, fun and love fill our home.  No ideal is too idealistic.  And strangers are just friends we haven't met yet."
Lisa McClure

Upon having children, I continually read upon their development. I came to understand that mood swings weren't personal and their favoritism for one parent over another along their development was, just that, their development.  With that knowledge, other than a connection in God, I shared with my husband how his relationship with my daughter was the most important relationship she will ever have. His bond with her will provide her with the confidence in selecting a future relationship with a spouse.

My husband's relationship with my daughter is very close and laughter is their common bond.  It's not unusual to hear belly-aching laughter coming from a room in the house where they have connected. They call each other "dude" and are video game buds.  He is her mentor, her tutor and her confidant.

With my son, the relationship they've developed is also ripe with laughter.  Sometimes my son can laugh so hard, a reminder to take a breath is in order.  My husband's place in my son's life is one of honor.  The challenges of parenting a child on the autistic spectrum can be emotional and physically draining.  Being the parent responsible to accompany him during therapy sessions, has given him a plethora of skills on re-directing behaviors.  His role in my son's life has been so vital.  He's been there every step of the way in his development, milestones and set-backs.

With this honoring, it is interesting to ponder why we choose these men to be in our lives, and, more importantly, why did they choose us to be in theirs?  What is OUR responsibility to support these men in the next stage of evolution?  Truly ask the question, "How am I supporting the men in my life?"  Gratitude is an important answer to that question. When we are grateful we can open our hearts wide enough to allow the invisible to become visible.  Those little things our husbands do to father our children become significant.

"What I love most about my husband is his desire to raise our sons to be gentlemen.  He thinks about teaching our boys the very things that will make them amazing men themselves...i.e. taking your hat off at the dinner table, opening a door and allowing women to walk through first, remembering to do the little things for their mom, so one day, they'll do it for their significant others.  When I see my boys do polite things for women along our daily journey, it allows me to give gratitude for their dad recognizing the importance of being a kind, compassionate gentleman."
Vidette Vanderweide
Happy Father's Day